Press Watch

All in One, Input One?

By Randy Singh, in Prospect

“In this day and age, it’s hard being a video gamer. The late hours, the cost, the instant ramen binges…”

Huh?  I can think of nothing easier than sitting around on your ass all day and playing video games. I’m not denigrating this activity, but to call it difficult is quite a stretch.

“This article is about the upcoming release of the Playstation 4 and the Xbox One…I’ve spent what, some thousands of dollars in games, DLC’s, Live subscriptions, and of course the consoles themselves themselves…And now we go back to why I’m spiraling into a depression.”

Is it because you’re spending about a quarter of your tuition on video games, and untold hours of your time with your eyes plastered to the TV?

“Xbox One is a water cooler…get a PS4.”

Oh, it’s actually because…the new Xbox system isn’t all that great. Well, I wish you the best of luck in stopping your depression spiral… 

 

Robot Alien Cyborg Monkey Baby

Elijah Alsdorf, in Free Press

Okay, I’m just going to start off by saying that I have no fucking idea what the hell this is supposed to be. I’m just going to quote it, and you can decide for yourself. This is what happens when you read campus publications that aren’t the Binghamton Review.

Racmb: not well I am afraid you see, the thing is tiers of kittens make them quite and remarkably violant. This means when they micks with the containers it may want to get married to you then divorce you leavin you with nothing but our anal probe.

Old man: it has many utilitiez and it can pitch me a tent if I need it too. So no worries, what other options do we halve?

Yeah. I guess he’s saying that you have to watch out for kittens, because they can be violent and… give you an anal probe? Look, Elijah, if you want to do hallucinogenic drugs that’s your business, and I personally believe it should be legal for you to do so, but you might want to hold off on writing any more articles while under the influence…

Warm up to technology, one app at a time

By Jake Lewis, in Pipe Dream

“Grindr is the granddaddy of all current dating apps. And it’s gay! Grindr was released way back in 2009 when we were so much more closed off from the world of technology, and meeting up with someone you met through your phone for sex was weird.”

Wait, meeting up with someone you met through your phone for sex is normal now? I guess things have changed rapidly in the past four years, indeed…

So you can totally use this app to get drunk with someone you message, which could work to your romantic and/or sexual advantage.

That sounds pretty close to date rape…. I thought Pipe Dream was supposed to be liberal about this sort of thing! What happened?

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