The Most Interesting Politician in the World

By Sean Glendon

I thought Drake and Justin Bieber were the only sources of entertainment that came from Canada. Then I did some research and realized that Seth Rogen, Ryan Gosling, Michael J. Fox and Michael Cera are all Canadian, so I guess they’ve got some entertaining people. But forget about them and everything else that you ever thought was cool about Canada. They’re nothing compared to Toronto’s mayor, Rob Ford.

Rob Ford is Politics Game Britney Spears in 2007. He’s the Teflon Don of Scandal: the middle-aged personification of a Disney star reaching the end of the teenage years and acting up. He’s what 2013 Miley Cyrus wishes she was. He’s a snowman that won’t melt when it gets warm out because he’s made out of crack cocaine instead of snow. But calling Rob Ford “the crack smoking mayor” isn’t enough. He’s much more than that. Rob Ford is amazing.

Americans learned about Rob Ford on May 16, after a video showing the mayor smoking crack cocaine and making homophobic comments was rumored to exist. A week later, Ford made a statement: “I do not use crack cocaine, nor am I an addict of crack cocaine.” TECHNICALLY, this is only a lie of omission. Most people in this position would stay out of the public eye as much as possible. Nope, not Rob Ford. Pictures of him with gang members have surfaced, and his driver was arrested for marijuana trafficking. There was even a groping incident he was involved. On November 5, Rob Ford finally spoke the truth. “Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine but … am I an addict? No. Have I tried it? Probably in one of my drunken stupors, probably approximately about a year ago” he said, and when confronted with the fact that he lied about his use in the past, he said ”I wasn’t lying… You didn’t ask the correct questions. No, I’m not an addict and no I do not do drugs.” You have to respect that technicality right there. Just two days after this, a video of the mayor drunkenly threatening to “kill” and “murder” somebody. About a week later, court documents showed that former staffers said that Rob Ford had been intoxicated at work, drank while driving and was associated with suspected prostitutes. The day after these documents came to light, Mayor Ford was pressed on these issues that had just come to light (while wearing a personalized football jersey that said “Mayor Ford”). His response? “Oh and the last thing was Olivia Gondek, it says that I wanted to eat her pussy. Olivia Gondek. I’ve never said that in my life to her. I would never do that. I’m happily married. I’ve got more than enough to eat at home.” I’m going to let that one sink in for a moment. He said this on live television while surrounded by reporters. Since then, Rob Ford attended a CFL playoff game that he was explicitly told to stay away by the league’s commissioner. While his brother was speaking during a City Council meeting, Rob Ford imitated drunk driving towards Paul Ainslie, who had gotten a warning from police about drunk driving in the spring. Remember, Rob Ford confessed to drunk driving in the past. During a City Council vote that would potentially strip him of more powers, he literally tackled  Councillor Pam McConnell, and later apologized, claiming that it was accidental. In his closing remarks of this meeting, he remarked that his ongoing situation “reminds [him] of when — and [he] was watching with [his] brother — when Saddam attacked Kuwait. And President Bush said, ‘I warn you, I warn you, I warn you, do not.’ Well, folks, if you think American-style politics is nasty, you guys have just attacked Kuwait,” before threatening opposition by saying  “Mark my words, friends, this is going to be outright war in the next election, and I’m going to do everything in my power — everything in my power — to beat you guys.”

Covering all of the ridiculous things Rob Ford has done would take more space than this entire issue, and that’s what makes him amazing. Had he been an American politician, he would have been out of office months ago, but he’s still the Mayor of Toronto. His current approval rating is at 42%, which is higher than it was in late October, when it was 39%. HIS APPROVAL RATING INCREASED SINCE HE ADMITTED TO SMOKING CRACK. Currently, Barack Obama’s approval rating is at 41%, so maybe he should give the crack a try. Throughout November, Rob Ford has been Googled 100 times more than he had been in the past. That is not an exaggeration. In a perfect world, Rob Ford becomes the Prime Minister of Canada. He said that he would like to, so maybe this is all just a giant marketing campaign to get his name out there. Regardless, I hope his future is one that is heavily publicized and full of scandal, because his entertainment levels are unmatched and I’m loving every moment it.

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