Assholes- Whether it’s the people pushing you from all directions in the bus line, your RA, or a Sodexo manager, you’re sure to encounter them during your time here.
BU – Boston University
Chipotle – If you thought it was good before, wait until you try it after months of nothing but Sodexo!
Dickinson Community– They’re not suites; they’re “flats.” They’re not hallways, or common rooms; they’re “vestibules.” Someone had a little too much fun with the thesaurus…
Downtown – Great in theory…
Einstein’s Bagels – Have fun waiting in line for two decades. The administration thought this two register bagel shop would be sufficient to feed the needy.
Engineering Building– Relativity by M. C. Escher
Foodcourt– Aside from Sodexo’s monopoly on the restaurants, great place to see last weekend’s hookup under excellent lighting
Girls– Whether it’s 80 degrees or 20 degrees, they’ll still be wearing the same exact outfit. God bless ‘em
Hawley (20) – Where the only thing that works is the fire alarm
Intelligence– You’ll soon find that its something you DON’T need to 1) get into Binghamton 2) be a Teaching Assistant 3) become active in Student Government 4) be an RA or, 5) be a Professor. You will need it if you would like to be on staff at The Review ;).
Jewish Holidays– You will learn to love them. Thank you Jews!
Keystone Light- It tastes like urine, but chances are that at one point or another you will have to drink this putrid beverage.
Lecture Hall– The best location to pick up a copy of the only intellectual publication on campus. That’s the only good part of the Lecture Hall. It’s round, an eye sore, and full of asbestos. Oh and by the way the new paint didn’t help…
Multiculturalism– Prepare to have the long rainbow-colored dick of multiculturalism shoved down your throat for the next 4 years. You can’t escape it, but if you need a refuge, come over to the Binghamton Review office.
Mascot – Our mascot is a slowly dying breed of a Southeast Asian mammal that is not related to either component of its name, but it isn’t a racial slur so we’ve got that going for us, which is nice.
Nirchis – Official sponsor of every GIM ever
OCCT Buses– The number one location for angry and belligerent drunk assholes to congregate. You literally have to fight people to get on the bus at 3:00am to get back home.
Parade Day– A day in which students and townies coexist peacefully to get wasted and pretend to be Irish.
Questions– “Why did I come here?” “Must it rain all the time?” “Am I going anywhere in life?” “Is Sodexo secretly poisoning me?” “Why doesn’t my Professor/ TA speak English?” “Will it ever stop snowing?” “Does the sun still exist?” These are all questions you will ask yourself within the first month of school.
Student Association– Sorry, nobody actually cares about you guys. Don’t cut our funding, though!
Res Life- These are the people who thought they would REDUCE student stress by forcing them to pick who they will spend the entire next year living with in October, a whole half a year earlier than the previous time, which was in March. Great job, guys!
Sodexo – The company that you already loathe by now if you live on campus.
Talent- Something most of our sports teams evidently lack.
Tinder– Should I swipe right on this townie?
University Plaza– You have to take a bus to get to campus, AND you have to take a bus to get downtown. Awesome!
Vestal– A small town 30 minutes from the Pennsylvania border, also the location of Binghamton University.
Wal-Mart – Thank God it exists. This greedy corporation will offer you good quality products at low prices, and will enable you to survive on a college budget. What evil profiteering!
Xenophobia– It’s so difficult to find words that begin with ‘x’ that actually make sense on this list. So we’ll repeat ourselves from last year: As a freshmen you expect to be an open-minded individual who will not allow any of your prejudices take over and force you to preemptively form an opinion about anyone or anything. But after that first semester of being taught by the non-English speaking TA, you are going to be throwing around some pretty fucked up things about foreigners. Seriously…you’ll deny it, but we all know at some point you will say something horrible about your TA while pointing out what country they are from. Shame on you.
Yik Yak – Your one stop shop for frat bashing, horny weirdos, high thoughts and occasional humor. No really, you should download it.
Zombies vs. Humans- Perhaps it should be renamed “Humans vs. Sexual Maturity”