Press Watch

Editor’s Note: This is where we expose the mediocrity of other publications. Quotes from the article are in quotes, and our comments are in bold.

Prospect Editorial

-Prospect

“…We are part of the same community and act in togetherness. Yes, my worldview is very idealistic, some might say naive.”

I’d actually call it silly and immature, but different strokes for different folks! I’m not exactly sure what “acting in togetherness” even consists of, but that just might be my bias as a science major coming through, a field in which the words we use actually bear some degree of relationship to reality.

“At Prospect we do whatever we can to work with other organizations on campus and publicize their efforts. While other publications might continuously put down other organizations, we realize that there are ways to uphold and champion your organizations without trying to degrade others.”

I agree, that conceivably, hypothetically, technically, we COULD champion our values without putting others down (see how I managed to avoid using the bulky word “organization” even once in that sentence? You used it TWICE!). But what fun would that be? Press Watch is many readers’ favorite section. Their amusement is more important to us than your feelings!

Actually, you’re probably talking about us ignoring your emails about meeting together to find a printer. Well, we had already found one! I guess we could’ve been courteous and made you aware of this fact, but you tried to steal our office from us, and then came by in October and were shocked by the fact that we were still here. So while we won’t do a thing to inhibit your efforts, we’re also not obliged to encourage them.

 

Prepare the derriere: Don’t be afraid to open the back door

-Pipe Dream

“In 2015, anal is in. Many people are afraid to open the back door, but with this step-by-step guide, men and women alike will grow to fully appreciate their derrieres. Many of you have asked, so here it is: the definitive guide to anal sex.”

Alright, this article is exactly what it sounds like – Pipe Dream’s resident sex columnist writes a nauseating article advocating that students have anal sex. It’s gross, and even though I read it, I’m a nice person, so I won’t make you read it and no more excerpts will be posted. Suffice it to say, quality and sound judgment are not Pipe Dream’s strong suits. I’m skeptical that many people have really asked, but whoever these “many people” are, I hope I don’t run into them.

 

Campus toilet paper leaves students irritated

-Pipe Dream

“So, yes it’s true that this space could be used for a more important issue, such as the overpopulation of campus which leads to an unavailability of resources ranging from parking spaces to Pods, the frighteningly dangerous OCCT nightmare Downtown on weekend nights, how Sodexo is essentially a monopoly or literally anything besides pooping.”

A free alternative to one-ply toilet paper is Pipe Dream, which you can easily find scattered throughout campus. This would cost no money, and you can even read during the process before you put your copy to good use!

 

Cheap gas prices distract from renewable energy

-Pipe Dream

“Cheap oil damages our society by concentrating wealth and power into the hands of a select few.”

Nonsense. Why don’t you try talking to one of the millions of Americans who has to drive to work in the morning, and ask them what they think of cheap gas prices? “Renewable energy” is an obsession of well-to-do liberals who are insulated from the pernicious economic effects of the anti-growth climate policies they advocate. When you guys manage to develop an airplane or even a car that runs on sunshine, rainbows, and love, come back to those of us living in reality.

 

Leave a Reply

Top