The Enemies List

CONDEMNED

Students for Change – I think our last issue made it clear what our opinion of SfC is, so I’ll save the space. Let’s be glad that attention shifted away from them and they realized that acting up like a bunch of babies wouldn’t make everybody cave and give them what they want.

Hillary Clinton – We have plenty of time between now and November 2016 to attack Hill. For now, just take another look at our centerfold.

VMPA – Unfortunately, this year’s runoff election extravaganza ended with the continued existence of this unnecessary position. Next year, let’s start a write-in campaign for our personal favorite candidate “Abolish Position.”

Marco Rubio & Chris Christie – Coming out as anti-marijuana in 2015 when the majority of Americans support its legalization is an easy way to become the enemy of many, many people!

ON NOTICE

Ruslan Klafehn – Not only does your election get you a nice title to throw on your resume, it also gets you a large target on your back from us! We will be heavily scrutinizing your actions, so good luck. But… you did pull off an impressive write-in campaign to prevent an entitled, rule-breaking SfC from holding this position. So for now, an enemy of an enemy gets a pass.

Harvey Stenger – Harvey was doing such a great job handling SfC like a boss before he softened his stance and caved. Why, Harvey why? Stand strong Harvey… come on.

Mother Nature – Some days we hate you, some days we don’t. But after this brutal winter, and the fact that you brought us snow in April, I think it’s best that we just stay friends. I’m sorry, I really am. It’s not me Mother Nature, it’s you.

The Student Association – You house the VPMA, and have made scheduling an event an unnecessarily complex and tedious task. And, responses to emails every once in a while would be nice. But since you kept our funding level, here’s to a better and hopefully more efficient next year.

Local Police – It’s pretty intrusive and disruptive for you to frolic around giving out citations for substances of minimal harm to students both on and off campus. But relative to some of your peers around the nation, you’re not so bad so far. If citing students for drugs and alcohol preoccupies you from killing civilians, by all means, you shut down those parties.

 

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