ABCs of Binghamton

 

Alright – Many of the things at Binghamton are ‘Alright’. “How was the food?” “Not great, alright I guess.”


Breaks – Just like a middle school dance, Binghamton’s break schedule is awkward and isolated. You’ll be home longer than your friends, and won’t be able to go on spring break with them.


Cafe – Yeah, you know that cafe in the marketplace? It’s not actually a Starbucks; it’s Sodexo.


Disappointment – A feeling you will become very used to. From the weather, to the concert announcements, to the bars, brace yourself… disappointment is coming.


East Gym – Somebody decided that our undersized physical fitness center needed to have a giant playground added to the middle of it. Managing to get a bench or squat rack requires a skill set similar to those required to purchase a 60 inch flat screen TV on Black Friday.


Flo – And leading the list of Binghamton’s most notable alumni is Flo, the Progressive insurance spokesperson.


Greek Life – Before you pledge, make sure that the administration isn’t going to decide to decharter your new fraternity. And, maybe read that  New York Times article.


Harvey – He’s the hero Binghamton deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.


International TAs – If you take a math class during your time here, you’ll probably run into one of them. They say math transcends language–I beg to differ.


Ok, so not quite… But you get the point.

Jewish people – Approximately 1/3 of the student body. No, really, we have the highest proportion of Jews of any public school. If you’ve never met a Jewish person before, you will.


Kosher Korner – Korner? Why not Corner? Anyways, this is the secret gem of C4 dining hall, and happens to be one instance of forced alliteration away from being a PR disaster for Sodexo


Listservs – Over the next few weeks, you’ll begin to understand what a lot of emails actually looks like. Good luck.


Moghul – The best restaurant in the Marketplace because… guess what? It’s run by a real restaurant instead of Sodexo!


Nature Preserve – A great place to get away from it all and go for a hike. Or smoke weed, have sex… just college things.


Old Dorms – If you live in Hinman… we’re sorry. Though if there’s a power-out, don’t worry we’re pretty sure it’s steam powered


Pipedream and Prospect – An inferior campus newspaper and a depressingly inferior magazine. Don’t bother, we’re better.


Quest – If you have nothing to lose (or are immensely brave), you can join our local ‘Live Action Role Playing’ club and go on live quests, battling each other with foam swords.


Robbery – See ‘Textbooks’


Sodexo – The least appetizing thing on campus that starts with an S. It even beat out Students for Change.


Textbooks – Open to one page once, maybe, for the low cost of $179.99. But, it’s “required reading”. Oh, and don’t forget that access code that makes buying a used book impractical. Nothing like good old highway robbery.


Ultimate Frisbee – A pretty fun game, but some people take it too far. Sorry bros, Ultimate is not more important that your grades. (Though it may soon become an Olympic Sport?!)


Vestal Parkway – A construction filled glimpse into the first world, featuring almost every franchise-able food establishment in existence.


Winter – It’s coming.


Xanax?


Yik Yak – Freshmen, you will finally get why college students visiting home complain that your town’s yik yak sucks.


Zombies vs. Humans – Or, more accurately, Humans vs. Sexual Maturity.

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