ABCs of the Left

By The Binghamton Review Staff

A – Anthropology major: What degree could be more useful than anthropology? Accounting, Biology, Business, Chemistry, Economics, Engineering, Management, Mathematics, Neuroscience, Physics, Psychology.

B – Black Lives Matter: We’ll be protesting Pipe Dream on Tuesday and we demand a full apology for something vaguely racist.

C – Cultural Appropriation: Eminem must be shot.

D – Debt forgiveness: Forgive it all, no matter how much it ruins the world economy.

E – Exploitation: [Insert something about Sodexo here].

F – Free the Nipple: The evidence was circumstantial at best…

G – Genderfluid: Now available in diet!

H – Hate Speech: You’re doing it right now. And if you decide not to talk, you’re a bystander.

I – Israel: Currently squatting on what is rightfully Palestinian land.

J – Jews: Not a real minority.

K – Karl Marx: Do Not confuse with Groucho Marx.

L – Loopholes: Our dear leader, Bernie Sanders, says we must banish them.

M – Manspreading: Okay, this one is not even about gender roles. It’s disgusting. No one wants to see that.

N – No: See yes

O – Oppression: White people tested, white people approved.

P – Police brutality: Am I being detained?

Q – Queer: That word that used to mean weird. And then it meant homosexual. And then it was offensive. And now it isn’t?

R – RACISTS!

S – Safe Space: A magical realm where no one can disagree with you.

T – Top: ONE PERCENT OF THE NATION OWNS TWO-THIRDS OF ITS WEALTH.

U – Unemployment: It’s the Republicans’ fault somehow.

V – Victimization: Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by Regina George.

W – White Guilt: If you’ve ever wanted to major in white guilt, we have plenty of social sciences to choose from! From English to Human Development, white people are really problematic!

X – Xenophobia: The fear of Xerox, a multinational corporation which provides a wide range of business services and document technology products!

Y – Yes: Also acceptable: “yep,” “certainly,” and “YAAS GAGA!” Not acceptable: “no,” “maybe,” *shrug.*

Z – Ze and Zir: Gender neutral pronouns that sound a lot like someone speaking English with a German accent and who is, presumably, up to no good. Run. Run as fast as you possibly can.

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