Joe’s Declassified: College Survival Guide 

By Joe Badalamenti  In a college full of closed dining halls. Insane final papers and nowhere to park your car, I, Joe Bigby, will help you do the impossible: survive college! [insert wacky theme song] Now you may be asking yourself: who is Joe and why do I care about his advice? Well for one, I’m someone who’s made it through college and accomplished pretty much all of my professional goals. In other words, I…

Uncommon Advice for College

By Arthur O’Sullivan Hi Freshmen. Are you sick of the generic “Advice for Freshmen” that everyone and their grandma vomits everywhere you turn? The advice that goes like “stay hydrated ;)!” and “don’t overwhelm yourself :3” and “be nice to your roommates :::::::::)))))))))))),” et cetera et cetera? Would you sooner eat a lick your communal bathroom’s floor than listen to another “Study tips you NEED to know to succeed”?  Well first of all, stop whining.…

ABCs of Binghamton – 2023

By Our Staff Another year, another “ABCs of Binghamton.” These two pages are all you’ll need to navigate the manifold complexities of Binghamton life in 2023. As per tradition, we won’t repeat anything from previous years, so if you still need guidance after these 26 letters, there’s plenty more where this came from. Now let’s make like kindergarteners and learn our “ABCs.” A-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I just remembered I’m in Binghamton. B – Bigly. A perfectly…

The S.A. Election Autopsy

By Logan Blakeslee Running for a position on the S.A. E-Board can sometimes feel like Don Quixote charging at a windmill. Without the necessary social capital, it’s a task that is very easy to miscomprehend, and failure is nothing short of spectacular. I begin this article with the concession that I was not the victor in either the 2021-2022 or 2023-2024 S.A. presidential elections, and the temporary sting of defeat has given way to reflection…

’87: The Secret History of Binghamton Review 

By Arthur O’Sullivan (To the tune of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah) I heard there was a secret room Where Mangle was, in FNAF Two But you don’t really care for Foxies, do you? It goes like this, the vent, the hiss, Without the mask, he’s really pissed. It’s Mangle, and he bites in ’87. ’87. ’87. ’87. ‘eighty se-e-e-e-ven. Any zoomer born after 2002 can’t game. All they know is Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria, charge they doors,…

The Ritz Incident

By Naoto Shercock, P.I. There’s a storm brewing underneath the university campus. There, nearly 45 square miles of catacombs sprawl, are now forgotten to the dust and snow. Some say it was built there in the late 60s right around when the summer of love became the winter of revolution. When the great famine shook Vestal to its core, and when the Campus Communists made their greatest attacks on the establishment. This sort of thing…

An Interview with Logan Blakeslee, SA Presidential Hopeful

By Arthur O’Sullivan If you thought election season was over, think again! In November, we voted for a bunch of politicians in far away places. This coming Sunday, we’ll be voting for our Student Association members. Unlike high school, this student government has the opportunity to influence campus life for everyone: cutting or increasing student costs, aiding or protesting administrative abuses, fighting for or against student interests. It all depends on who gets elected. To…

I’m Running for S.A. President to Abolish Parking Services

By Logan Blakeslee Binghamton University Parking Services sits somewhere at the intersection of greed and incompetence. Besides Sodexo, there is no presence on campus that is more universally reviled than Parking Services, and for good reason. Its policies have become more draconian over time and are deliberately designed to extract as much money from students as possible. I decided that enough was enough after hearing several dozen stories about unfair ticketing or the absurd inconsistencies…

The Passion of the Spring Admit 

By Midas Leung I am lucky to have my family: my brothers, my sister, my mother, and late father. I have always seen them as a priority in my life and I will continue to do so, but it is starting to feel like a moral obligation rather than a familial love. I cried more when I left my friends than when my mom first dropped me off at a college.  Matter of fact, I…

Coulter Catastrophe at Cornell

By Logan Blakeslee Something was amiss on the cold night of November 9, 2022. In the prestigious Myron Taylor Hall at Cornell University, a large crowd gathered to hear a guest speaker who carries a certain degree of infamy in American media, Ann Coulter. An author, commentator, and conservative firebrand, Coulter was bound to attract some negative attention while visiting one of the most liberal colleges in New York, if not the United States. The…

The Jon Lizak Incident

By Logan Blakeslee, Sean Harrigan, and Arthur O’Sullivan The United States of America experienced an unprecedented event on January 6, 2021: A sitting president refused to concede his electoral loss, believing that the vote had been stolen through massive voting fraud. That day, nearly 12,000 ardent supporters of Donald Trump gathered at the U.S. Capitol Building for a “Stop the Steal” protest, in a last-ditch effort to pressure republican senators and vice president Mike Pence…

Madeline wrote a creepypasta while jon was at the jail

By our staff THE BEARCAT’S PAW It was a dark, evil night. Really just the average weather in Binghamton, but this night was particularly the evilest and darkest night we had seen in a while. Another Binghamton Review meeting was coming to a close. We had just designed the funniest and most perfect magazine issue the world had ever seen when we were interrupted by a strange knock at the door. Who could it be?…

Horrors of Binghamton Dining 

By Midas Leung Here in Binghamton, we all have our own favorite dining spots, or you just make food at home. You would think that food safety would be the number one priority, but one of my friends says otherwise. One day after a grueling set of classes, my friend decided that he was hungry and went to eat at CIW. He grabbed the most appetizing item to him, in this case a burger, but…

Yik Yak – The Hidden UnderBelly of BU

By Midas Leung If you have ever had a social media account, you would know that anonymity is diametrically opposed to growing your following. Despite this, increasingly more people are opting to stay anonymous for the added benefit of staying unaccountable for the stupidity they post. Enter: Yikyak, basically the 4chan for BU students. Many students use this as a place to vent and release their edgy demons when it comes to campus life. Despite…

ABCs of Binghamton 2022

Advice Column: Do you need help with your problems? Well you’re in luck because we won’t provide any practical solutions. Bitches: What you won’t be getting this semester. COVID: This is most definitely over and we definitely aren’t seeing an uprise in cases already. I sure love to not hear professors complain about it over and over and over and over and over. Dunkin’: Every afternoon, a wriggling, writhing mass of humanity manifests to block…