By Josephi Krakowski
As I pulled open Facebook to view the most recent Breitbart post about why Trump is my dad, I came across a post by the Bing Butt. As I was unaware of the Bing Butt and assuming that this was another attempt by Binghamton University to convince people to quit smoking, I decided to look into it. After all, my Juuling and chewing have been adding up to be a costly habit. My Mountain Dew Juul pods have to imported from Hong Kong, the only true Capitalist society that I can support. What I found out about the Bing Butt, however, was a startling discovery. It turns out that the Binghamton Review is not the only conservative publication that Binghamton University has to offer. It turns out this Bing Butt was promoting fantastic amounts of conservative talking points, ranging from pro-Populist posts going all the way back to Paleoconservative points. Now you maybe thinking “This is impossible!” but the greatest propaganda pieces are the ones you do not observe overtly.
Take, for example, their article on platonic gifts for Valentines Day. Many may see this as simply a gift and concept that has the intention to maintain a friendzone; however, the underlying themes of this are simple: to promote chastity and celibate relationships. This encourages everyone who is in that relationship to abstain from sex and instead seek the close friendship that leads into marriage before getting into any Valentines gift that the corrupted liberals want you to give out. Clearly, the Bing Butt is playing Steve Bannon levels of 5D chess with Binghamton University students. Not to mention that in that same article they advertise Adam Sandler’s hit comedies Grown Ups and Grown Ups 2 for a gift. As many know, Adam Sandler is the best example of a Republican who is down with the kids! His past history has shown his donations to Rudy Giuliani’s former presidential campaign, indicating that he is conservative and therefore epic. Very clever move Bing Butt! Only a truly great conservative propaganda publication could hide such a covert conservative undertone. Never have I seen this done in such grace since Fox News promoted Dinesh D’souza’s movies as “documentaries”. Even as recent as the 26th of February, the Bing Butt has published a article criticizing the liberal Punk Band, Green Day, and Antifa in the same article! Not even us at the Binghamton Review could produce such a ridiculously right wing article unless it was about joining the Tea Party movement while listening to God Bless America on repeat, and praying to the photo of Ronald Reagan hanging in our beautiful Binghamton Review office.
Now many might argue: “But Josephi Krakowski! The Bing Butt slanders the Binghamton Review all the time, which is why I read their publication!” That is very true, with the Bing Butt full of articles mocking Larry Sharpe for government and articles mocking the Review’s occasional use of pseudonyms. However, any right winger with their eyes open can see the subtle diversion that is truly going on. By mocking our publication every couple of articles, it allows a diversion from their right wing writings and slowly allows for more indoctrination of the unsuspecting public towards right wing organizations. Furthermore, just looking at who helps to host the site, WordPress, shows the conservative backing behind the site! Matt Mullenweg was co-founder of WordPress, and guess which state he was born in… That’s right, Texas! The state that proudly boasts exactly 0 Democrats and a whole lotta guns! The Bing Butt might as well have a proud sticker that says Funded By Our Lords and Saviors the Koch Brothers, two great men who are Patriots and of whom I personally have dedicated a shrine to in my house.
So next time you read the Bing Butt, look for these conservative overtones and rejoice. We would love to let those at the Butt know that we at the Review see what you are doing and happily applaud you. You are probably getting more students registered Republican then we are! I personally will be sure to make a large contribution to Steve Bannon and the RNC in your name so the great conservative work you do can be everlasting.