By Aiden Miller Those beautiful buns and saucy ribs. Oh, how I would love to devour that delectable meal. If you’re a pervert, you probably thought I was talking about your wife, but I’m actually referencing McDonald’s infamous McRib Sandwich. For the innumerable McDonald’s historians and certified fatties, this article is not for you. I’m solely here to educate the general public about the McRib, its history, and how the sandwich indirectly led to the…
I Am Oak. I Am Acorn.
I Am-Oak I am old and strong I wonder when I’ll fall I hear so many lives in progress I see the people living them I want to stretch my arms out to them I am old and strong I pretend I’m a statue I feel children climbing I touch the clouds I worry I won’t make it until spring I cry as it rains I am old and strong I understand others will take…
Madeline wrote a creepypasta while jon was at the jail
By our staff THE BEARCAT’S PAW It was a dark, evil night. Really just the average weather in Binghamton, but this night was particularly the evilest and darkest night we had seen in a while. Another Binghamton Review meeting was coming to a close. We had just designed the funniest and most perfect magazine issue the world had ever seen when we were interrupted by a strange knock at the door. Who could it be?…
TOP X SYSTEM OF A DOWN SONGS
By nitrodude359 Wednesday 9/14/22 Number 10: Flake (Untitled 1995 Demo Tape) Very heavy song (played in drop B)! Simple but great riffs. This song has commonly been confused for Toast, which is the outro to PIG (the predecessor to Mr. Jack, on the 1995 Demo), so it is known as both Toast or Flake on Youtube. You know you’re listening to Flake when the chorus is “You flake, you flake, you motherfucking flake!” Number 9:…
Submissive Indiana Jones: could this top archeologist ‘bottom?’
By Madeline Perez Let’s get to the point. Indiana Jones makes me feel things. WAIT –HOLD ON–DON’T GO. I DIDN’T FINISH. Indiana Jones makes me feel things about familiar 80s tropes and their impact. More specifically, common romantic tropes. In clearer detail, romantic tropes where domineering men cross a few boundaries because their stubborn, perky love interests won’t stop playing coy and saying “no”. NOW WAIT JUST A SECOND. Hear me out. I SWEAR I’m…
The Silliest of Seasons
By Dillon O’Toole After reading the title of this article, you may find yourself contemplating what exactly is the silliest season of the year. You most likely aren’t thinking winter, as winter is too bleak of a season to contain any sort of humor. Maybe your brain thought of summer, as it’s typically seen by many as the season of joy and fun activities due to its associated sunny weather. Or, perhaps, you thought of…
Tom Bombadil: Tolkien and Conservative Environmentalism
By Arthur O’Sullivan Rejoice! For spring is supposedly upon us, dear reader! In principle, the weather should be warming and the flowers should be blooming. After a harsh winter, our climate should be fairer. But my friend, we’re at Binghamton University (a premier public ivy, you know). Here a warm, sunny day is as rare as a bad article in Binghamton Review. Speaking of which, I had intended to cover Ketanji Brown Jackson’s confirmation to…
Help! I’ve been kidnapped by the Binghamton Review!
By Madeline Perez I remember. It was a chilly autumn night when I was first attacked. Walking back from Binghamton University’s West Gym, I reeked of chlorine and resembled a drowned rat. I often wondered why the swim club decided to run practices until 11 PM. Back then, it was best not to question things. My flip-flops flip-flopped like the independent percussionists they were, repeatedly hitting the pavement like one would hit a disobedient wife…
No One Man Can Have All That Power
By Joe Badalamenti The US isn’t doing so well right now. In a time of increasing inflation, political violence, and looming prospects of a major war, it’s clear that we’re not in the best of times. This raises the question: how do we get back to the best of times. While there are many different approaches to this task, any feasible approach should require some form of action, but who will lead this action? Undoubtedly,…
The Economics of… Sex?
By Siddharth Gundapaneni Public perception of varying sexual behaviors has rapidly changed during the last century. Premarital sex no longer faces the societal stigmas it once did, pornography is more acceptable than ever, and support for prostitution is also reaching highs. Why are these changes occurring? Has society gone sex-crazed? Have people begun to just care less about what others do in the bedroom? While some of these propositions may be true, they are hardly…
Our Record’s in Jeopardy, Baby
By Patrick McAuliffe In a world of game shows filled nauseatingly to the brim with celebrity appearances and singing competitions, Jeopardy! is still going strong in its 38th season this year. The timeless “Wheel of Fortune for smart people,” as the show is commonly known to myself alone, is a staple of evening television that provides an opportunity for ordinary people from around America to strut their smarts for impressive cash prizes (which, admittedly, are…
The Sixth Night at Freddy (a parody)
By Scarthur Ole’Sole Ivan The following is the final entry in the journal of Arthur Gothicus Bloodedgeicus Mychemicalromancia Afton, nephew of serial murderer William Afton, who had taken a job as a night-shift security guard at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria after the sudden departure of the previous employee, who had only worked there for five nights… “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” Such were the sounds that I had heard upon turning on the phone in the security office. Supposedly, this…
Top 5 Creepypastas
By Sebastian Roman Smile.JPG This story is about a picture of a smiling dog that drives everyone who sees it insane. This story is one of the earliest creepypastas to spread on the internet, thus earning it a spot on this list. Slenderman Slenderman is a story about a tall faceless man with tentacles that come out his back. Slenderman received its spot on this list because it is one of…
Your Monthly Life Skill: Changing a Flat Tire
By Jonathon Mecomber The car: if there’s one thing that’s more American than sugar, fast food, or baseball, then it would probably be the car. Yes, when we aren’t stuck in traffic, we Americans are deeply in love with our vehicles. Whether we own them for business or for pleasure, our auto addiction certainly isn’t showing any signs of going away anytime soon. Despite our infatuation with these heavy pieces of steel, glass, and rubber,…
What Bernie Supporters Don’t Want to Hear
By Samson Audino The first of the Democratic Presidential Primary Debates took place and according to college students nationwide and Huffington Post, Bernie Sanders came out victorious (or at least you would definitely think so if you were me, watching at a viewing party in a university lecture hall). He illustrated to the whole country exactly how he stands apart from Hillary Clinton and her corporate ties, and his supporters raved throughout the internet. Regardless…