The Lecture From Hell

Angelo DiTocco BINGHAMTON, NY, Feb. 8 – A local mathematics professor at New York’s “Premier Public Ivy” has reportedly held one of the most excruciatingly long class sessions in history, according to Jack Hutchington, a student in the class who had been planning to make a move on his female colleague that day. “What I went through has to fall under cruel and unusual punishment!” exclaimed Jack in an interview, still in traumatic shock from…

“Sexapalooza” Makes Me Shudder

By Arthur O’Sullivan “Late Nite bought over one thousand dollars worth of sex toys for Sexapalooza this year.”  So spoke my source from inside Binghamton University’s “Late Nite” organization, which provides food, programming, and all other forms of entertainment to those students awake and alert enough to enjoy them. As someone with the social and sleeping habits of a reclusive retiree, my experience with Late Nite is limited. On some occasions, I have enjoyed the…

The Case for a “Philosophy of Science” Course at Binghamton

By Arthur O’Sullivan With our multiple millions of dollars dedicated to research, Binghamton University is renowned for being an elite research institution. We employ Nobel Prize-winning professors, thousands of graduate students, and several expansive research facilities, all to advance the scientific enterprise. These things are all praiseworthy. In fact, I contend that scientific research is my favorite aspect of Binghamton University. (My experience as an undergraduate researcher made me apply for a Master’s here, after…

Reflections on the Revolutions in Binghamton: An Inquiry into the Vicissitudes of the Starry Corporation’s Takeover and its Phenomenological Implications

By Lambreau Demasi III, Esq. Imagine my shock—my Halloween horror—my delightful fright (defright!)—my unutterable outrage—as on my first day of campus, desiring a chilled beverage capable of quenching my sandblasted throat’s rapacious thirst, I make posthaste entry into the air-conditioned environ of Bartle Library, and descend its asymmetrical staircase to a place of my heart, an old stomping ground, my oasis—the vending machine wall, just to find a discommoding visage: on the machines’ facades, a…

What Comes After Tragedy

By Arthur O’Sullivan In writing this article, I intend, with the benefit of hindsight, to document and evaluate Binghamton University’s response to the student suicide of October 30, 2023. In doing so, I hope to give a guide for students who want to learn from and help prevent tragedy. This is not an easy article to write. Leaving aside the problem of tonal clash with this issue, there are a number of pitfalls that come…

“Baxter Devouring His Son”

By Logan Blakeslee Much has been spoken and written about the clash between pro-life and pro-choice students at Binghamton University on September 18, 2023. It was the first big campus controversy of the semester and one that will be remembered for a terrible, disgusting reason. I will address that reason shortly. Before that, I will say that Binghamton University cannot claim that it is sending its best and brightest out into the world when its…

B.U. Needs More Instruction in Blockchain

By Darina Keshtova We live in a rapidly changing world where new technology dramatically alters the course of people’s lives. Today, the ability to receive timely information about the emergence of new revolutionary technologies, the ability to anticipate the changes that they will cause, and to be among the people who apply, promote, and develop innovations is becoming a prerequisite for success. This knowledge can also protect us from spending limited, dead-end resources (in an…

Things to Hate about Binghamton and its University 

By Midas Leung First of all, we have inconsistent weather which can change on a dime. The forecast—which is EVER so reliable—changes from phone to phone so you really never know which is right until you get to a computer and check (which in reality who would really do that because I am lazy as shit). Second is how far everything is from each other. The campus is not so big, but the hills really…

Campus Censorship: The Education Issue of Our Time

By Brett Patrick Free speech and ideological diversity are fundamental pillars of college institutions. Over the years, this is a fact that US presidents recognized. In 1998, President Bill Clinton reaffirmed the basic human right to expression during a speech in China. In 2015, on a back-to-school tour, President Obama reminded students of the importance of campus dialogue. In 2019, President Trump signed an executive order that required colleges to enforce the right of free…

An Unbiased and Impartial Review of Binghamton Clubs

By Saguaro  Long ago, when I roamed this earth as a freshman at Bing, I was nervous about joining clubs. For those current freshmen out there, fear not, for I have arrived, ready to deliver crucial information concerning the various extracurricular activities found on campus—particularly ones that I have experience with.  Campus Survival Games Before I go into depth about this club, I will say that although I haven’t spent MUCH time with this club,…

“A Brief Guide on Restoring, Expanding, and Protecting Conservatism on College Campuses”

By Logan Blakeslee, Former Central Region Co-Chairman of the New York Federation of College Republicans  The hardest part of being a conservative or libertarian-minded student on most college campuses in America is staying true to your own values. It takes no effort at all to keep silent, go with the crowd, and parrot whatever the professor says for an easy grade. It is much more difficult to speak your mind in class or in public…

Joe’s Declassified: College Survival Guide 

By Joe Badalamenti  In a college full of closed dining halls. Insane final papers and nowhere to park your car, I, Joe Bigby, will help you do the impossible: survive college! [insert wacky theme song] Now you may be asking yourself: who is Joe and why do I care about his advice? Well for one, I’m someone who’s made it through college and accomplished pretty much all of my professional goals. In other words, I…

Uncommon Advice for College

By Arthur O’Sullivan Hi Freshmen. Are you sick of the generic “Advice for Freshmen” that everyone and their grandma vomits everywhere you turn? The advice that goes like “stay hydrated ;)!” and “don’t overwhelm yourself :3” and “be nice to your roommates :::::::::)))))))))))),” et cetera et cetera? Would you sooner eat a lick your communal bathroom’s floor than listen to another “Study tips you NEED to know to succeed”?  Well first of all, stop whining.…

ABCs of Binghamton – 2023

By Our Staff Another year, another “ABCs of Binghamton.” These two pages are all you’ll need to navigate the manifold complexities of Binghamton life in 2023. As per tradition, we won’t repeat anything from previous years, so if you still need guidance after these 26 letters, there’s plenty more where this came from. Now let’s make like kindergarteners and learn our “ABCs.” A-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I just remembered I’m in Binghamton. B – Bigly. A perfectly…

The S.A. Election Autopsy

By Logan Blakeslee Running for a position on the S.A. E-Board can sometimes feel like Don Quixote charging at a windmill. Without the necessary social capital, it’s a task that is very easy to miscomprehend, and failure is nothing short of spectacular. I begin this article with the concession that I was not the victor in either the 2021-2022 or 2023-2024 S.A. presidential elections, and the temporary sting of defeat has given way to reflection…