By Our Staff Another year, another “ABCs of Binghamton.” These two pages are all you’ll need to navigate the manifold complexities of Binghamton life in 2023. As per tradition, we won’t repeat anything from previous years, so if you still need guidance after these 26 letters, there’s plenty more where this came from. Now let’s make like kindergarteners and learn our “ABCs.” A-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I just remembered I’m in Binghamton. B – Bigly. A perfectly…
So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye
By Madeline Perez When I was a freshman, waltzing around UFest, I found myself interested in lots of booths. Among these were the Fine Arts Society (a drawing club that I can only assume died when COVID struck and now no one can remember and I am the last remaining link to their history), the tennis and swimming clubs, and Binghamton Review Magazine. I think I signed up for other clubs probably involving singing, games,…
The Ethics of Sink-Pissing
By Our Staff Pro: The porcelain throne is no throne, but in fact an electric chair, and we are all its victims. What Big Toilet has been espousing since the beginning of modern plumbing has been a disaster for the human race. Why, you ask? We have been convinced that the at-least 330 million toilets in the homes of the American public (one for every person) are “necessary” and “sanitary.” But let’s be honest: the…
An AI Totally Didn’t Write This
Once upon a time, the board of the Binghamton Review magazine was in a heated debate over the contents of their next issue. Madeline, the editor in chief, wanted to feature articles on the benefits of universal healthcare and the importance of intersectionality. Dillon, the managing editor, was all for it, but only when he had his beard. Without it, he became a completely different person, who was all for cutting government spending and reducing…
ABCs of Binghamton 2022
Advice Column: Do you need help with your problems? Well you’re in luck because we won’t provide any practical solutions. Bitches: What you won’t be getting this semester. COVID: This is most definitely over and we definitely aren’t seeing an uprise in cases already. I sure love to not hear professors complain about it over and over and over and over and over. Dunkin’: Every afternoon, a wriggling, writhing mass of humanity manifests to block…
Farewell
By Tommy Gagliano On March 18, 2017, I announced what college I would be attending the following August on Instagram, stating “Officially going to Binghamton I guess. Meh.” I was obviously very enthusiastic and excited to be a Bearcat. Sarcasm aside, I wanted to go to the real BU—Boston University—and I felt that being relegated to Binghamton with a 1520 SAT score was insulting. As a straight white male, applicants that checked off one or…
Who Are We Voting For?
Binghamton Review is nonpartisan—as an organization, we do not support or endorse any particular parties or candidates. As individuals, however, our staff certainly have opinions. Here are the endorsements for President of the United States from nine staff members that felt comfortable sharing. Tommy Gagliano – Jo Jorgensen Best policies, mentally stable, and no sexual assault allegations? Sign me up. It also helps that Jorgensen is the most strategic option for New Yorkers who oppose…
Why I’m Voting for Jo Jorgensen
By Tommy Gagliano On November 3rd I will go to my polling place in Binghamton, New York to cast my vote in the 2020 election. For president, I will see the option of “Joseph R. Biden / Kamala D. Harris (D),” and I will pass them over. I will then see “Donald J. Trump / Michael R. Pence (R),” and again I will pass. Finally, I will get to “Jo Jorgensen / Jeremy ‘Spike’ Cohen…
Cuomo Killed Grandma… and New York
By Patrick McAuliffe I’ve tried to steer clear of COVID-centric analysis so far this semester. It’s on everyone’s minds and every news platform, so if you aren’t at least partially aware of societal expectations and new information by now, you must be more closed off from society than Jared Leto when he was living as a hermit in mid-March. Our own school was finally closed last Wednesday due to rising local cases. However, it would…
The Fault in our Dining Halls
By Madeline Perez One downside to being the most productive publication on campus (by strides, I may add) is that we have a lot of pages to fill. A lot. It is during the late night Bing Review production hours, fueled by anger and Dr. Pepper, where certain articles are written last minute in haste and disarray. This is one of those times. I considered a lot of possible ideas. A good couple. Most of…
After Five Years, We Still Can’t Breathe
By Patrick McAuliffe In May of 2015, my innocent dewy eyes beheld Binghamton University in all of its austere splendor on a campus tour, and they were immediately drawn to the “Police Brutality” cover of Binghamton Review. The Editor-in-Chief at the time, Sean Glendon, tackled the problem of citizens dying at the hands of police in response to Eric Garner’s unjust murder over selling cigarettes on the New York City sidewalk. In the wake of…
Joe Biden Will Probably Win
By Will Anderson In hindsight, 2016 was a time when Americans would fabricate problems for themselves. Do you remember when there was some big controversy over private businesses telling their employees to say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas?” Somehow this snowballed into “PC culture running amok” and an electoral plurality of the Republican voter base declared Donald Trump to be the answer. After the primary we were given pragmatic reasons to vote for Trump…
Snitches Get… Upvotes?
By Tommy Gagliano I know it’s been said a million times already, but the world we’re living in right now is totally bizarre. Riots have become frequent to the point that they’re barely shocking anymore, we’re approaching a presidential election between an angry game show host and a guy that cannot form a coherent sentence, and, of course, there’s that pesky COVID-19 pandemic. What’s up with that virus anyway? Is it over? Is it still…
Social Distancing and the NAP
By Patrick McAuliffe In ThEsE uNcErTaIn TiMeS, questions about public obligations and private rights are brought to the forefront of people’s lives. The true application of abstract ideals such as one’s civic duty or the non-aggression principle is no longer something relegated to the ivory tower, but to the concrete sidewalks in front of government buildings and the wire fences around the entrances of Walmarts. For the sake of both the healthy and the vulnerable,…
No More Mr. Nice Simp
By Patrick McAuliffe Pornography is pervasive in our world, both that which is free and that which one pays to consume. As access to porn has increased, so too has the tolerance and acceptance of sex work. Whether you believe it is morally good or bad depends on your intuitions and education. Those that support sex work champion its benefits, such as a steady income for the sex worker (usually women), the destigmatizing of nudity…