The 10 Worst Things I’ve Ever Eaten

Angelo DiTocco If you’re an avid reader of Binghamton Review (as you should be), then you might remember an article I wrote in November called “How to Celebrate Thanksgiving in Today’s Economy.” In that article, I suggested that if you can’t afford to glaze your Thanksgiving turkey in cranberry sauce, then ketchup will do the job just fine. Or if Brie cheese is too expensive, you can just dip your crackers in mayonnaise or Cool…

Multi-Cultis form New Government: SA AVP Jumps Ship to Join New Allies

by Nathan L. Wurtzel The Political community at Binghamton University was dealt a shock wave of earthquake proportions this month as several personalities who purport to represent “underrepresented” students have announced the formation of an alternative student government. The new government, which will be called the Association of Suppressed Students (ASS), is encouraging “cultural” unions and likeminded leftist student organizations to withdraw from the Stupid Association (SA) and join their pirate regime. “We have been…

How to Celebrate Thanksgiving in Today’s Economy

Angelo DiTocco Everyone seems to forget about Thanksgiving in favor of making their Halloween costumes in August and shopping for Christmas in October, but Thanksgiving is actually a pretty cool holiday. You get to come together as a family, have a delicious feast, express your gratitude for all of the good things in life, and honor what few peaceful interactions there were between the settlers and the natives. But in these Unprecedented TimesTM, it’s not…

Denouncing Terrorism is The Bare Minimum 

By Dafna Horowitz On October 7th 2023, the internationally recognized terrorist group Hamas, invaded Israel, brutally attacking homes, families, individuals and IDF military bases. Among those who have been murdered or taken as hostages include citizens of the United States, Ukraine, Russia, France, Britain, Ireland, Austria, Germany, Thailand, Tanzania, Nepal, Peru, Philippines, Argentina, Paraguay, Colombia, Mexico, China, Canada, Brazil, Italy, Cambodia, and Sri Lanka.  Hamas has publicized these atrocities as a means of propaganda and…

Duolingo, Burnout, and Extrinsic Motivation

By Emily Portalatin Has anyone else noticed the inability for anyone to be consistent these days? People are always CHANGING THEIR MINDS and TRYING NEW THINGS. Geez, it’s not like humans are dynamic and ever-changing. Pick your thing, stick to it, and don’t even THINK about getting tired of it, even if it hurts! Back in MY day, it was cool and impressive to do the same thing for years, even if you no longer…

In Defense of Country Music

By Johnny Patterson Imagine this scene: you’re sitting in class, and someone sits down in the empty seat to your right. They ask you your name and give you theirs. You immediately hit it off, the conversation flows effortlessly. “Finally, my first friend,” you think to yourself. Eventually, the topic of music is brought up. You tell them your favorite artists and ask what they like. “I listen to everything really,” they say, “well, everything…

“A Brief Guide on Restoring, Expanding, and Protecting Conservatism on College Campuses”

By Logan Blakeslee, Former Central Region Co-Chairman of the New York Federation of College Republicans  The hardest part of being a conservative or libertarian-minded student on most college campuses in America is staying true to your own values. It takes no effort at all to keep silent, go with the crowd, and parrot whatever the professor says for an easy grade. It is much more difficult to speak your mind in class or in public…

ABCs of Binghamton – 2023

By Our Staff Another year, another “ABCs of Binghamton.” These two pages are all you’ll need to navigate the manifold complexities of Binghamton life in 2023. As per tradition, we won’t repeat anything from previous years, so if you still need guidance after these 26 letters, there’s plenty more where this came from. Now let’s make like kindergarteners and learn our “ABCs.” A-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I just remembered I’m in Binghamton. B – Bigly. A perfectly…

The Cruel Implications of Toy Story 4

By Madeline Perez I have never hidden my disdain for the fourth Toy Story movie. Across previous articles and social interactions—even the passing thought of TS4 sends me into a rabid hysteria, wide-eyed and foaming, in which I tear apart the nearest small child or bunny rabbit. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone, as I’ve been told others have also criticized the movie—but in my ongoing effort to stay pure and original, I have…

The Ultimate Fictional Bear Ranking

By Madeline Perez We live in an age of infinite possibilities. Often, those possibilities involve the creation of a fictional world, and in this world, a bear. It can prove impossible to create rankings of a genre so wide and encompassing (the fictional bear genre), but in my resolve to lasso the most daunting of challenges, I have since birthed from my thought canal a list. A list to destroy all other lists. A list…

The Shopping Lobe 

By Baddieline So–I was going about my day, browsing the interwebs, when I stumbled upon this really scientific article published by a website that also hosts quizzes like ‘Which Guy From the Office Would Find You Attractive Based on Your Favorite Fruit?’ (Michael Scott!! XD). The article said some really smart things about dopamine and how playing Minecraft is basically just like doing cocaine!!! Or even having sex, which I can’t confirm or deny since…

’87: The Secret History of Binghamton Review 

By Arthur O’Sullivan (To the tune of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah) I heard there was a secret room Where Mangle was, in FNAF Two But you don’t really care for Foxies, do you? It goes like this, the vent, the hiss, Without the mask, he’s really pissed. It’s Mangle, and he bites in ’87. ’87. ’87. ’87. ‘eighty se-e-e-e-ven. Any zoomer born after 2002 can’t game. All they know is Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria, charge they doors,…

The Ethics of Sink-Pissing

By Our Staff Pro: The porcelain throne is no throne, but in fact an electric chair, and we are all its victims. What Big Toilet has been espousing since the beginning of modern plumbing has been a disaster for the human race. Why, you ask? We have been convinced that the at-least 330 million toilets in the homes of the American public (one for every person) are “necessary” and “sanitary.” But let’s be honest: the…

An Interview with Logan Blakeslee, SA Presidential Hopeful

By Arthur O’Sullivan If you thought election season was over, think again! In November, we voted for a bunch of politicians in far away places. This coming Sunday, we’ll be voting for our Student Association members. Unlike high school, this student government has the opportunity to influence campus life for everyone: cutting or increasing student costs, aiding or protesting administrative abuses, fighting for or against student interests. It all depends on who gets elected. To…

I’m Running for S.A. President to Abolish Parking Services

By Logan Blakeslee Binghamton University Parking Services sits somewhere at the intersection of greed and incompetence. Besides Sodexo, there is no presence on campus that is more universally reviled than Parking Services, and for good reason. Its policies have become more draconian over time and are deliberately designed to extract as much money from students as possible. I decided that enough was enough after hearing several dozen stories about unfair ticketing or the absurd inconsistencies…