I find it necessary to write this piece because of all of the bullshit and hatred that has been spreading among the campus in regards to the Mothman. I’m going to try to keep this professional, but if I’m being honest, the recent slanderous hit piece titled “The Mothman Menace” was the straw that broke the moth’s wings. After all the progress this world has made, I can’t help but be furious that my- I mean his wellbeing and safety aren’t being considered in the slightest. I mean, you have most politicians right now talking about helping “The Kurds.” Sorry, but what the fuck are “The Kurds,” some alternative rock band? Fuck that, leave them alone and pull all aid. You may not realize it, but the Mothman is just like you. He goes to class, doesn’t listen in class, fails the test, and complains how his teachers are bad, just like you. He makes fun of dining hall food to fit in but secretly thinks it’s actually pretty good, just like you. And when the day comes to an end and his head hits the pillow, he falls asleep thinking about how much he hates himself, just like you. Also, and I think this goes without saying, he’s totally terrifying and really should be feared by all, just my opinion.
It really frustrates me that people don’t understand the Mothman. He’s a human, like us, he’s just also a moth. Women seem to be the worst at understanding him. Particularly one woman. Specifically the one that rejected him in the nature preserve last friday at 9:20 AM. I mean what the fuck? He literally offered you free food, free housing, and unconditional safety. Are you stupid? Did you hit your head too hard when you were an infant? It baffles me that people are like this. I’m also ripped- I mean the Mothman’s also ripped, which I think is a huge selling point. Whatever, moths can make children alone, right?
He leaves you alone and keeps to himself, and you treat him like a monster. He (Moth)mans up and finally exposes himself to the world, and you call him a “menace.” I wouldn’t know what his thoughts are, because I am not him, but I can imagine them being something like this: “Fuck you, fuck everyone who laughed at me, fuck everyone who doesn’t think I am totally badass and scary, fuck everyone who aknowledged my love handles, MY PECS AND DELTS COMPENSATE FOR IT, ALSO YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE ABS THERE REGARDLESS, fuck the chef who burnt my grilled chicken at C4, and, most importantly, fuck the Binghamton Review. I can’t believe I let you survive another month off of my name. I should have just let you die.” I personally don’t have anything interesting to contribute for the conclusion, as I am just a staff writer and not the cryptozoic creature of West Virginian lore, but I will say this…
I will not go back, I will not retreat into the woods like you want me to. I won’t let this tarnishing of my name go unpunished. I will make sure that sleep becomes a chore for you, that you spend every hour of the night in suspenseful agony, just hoping I show my face and end the pain. I am no tool for free use, no toy to play with, I am THE MOTHMAN!
And you have not seen the last of me.
That’s probably what the Mothman would say in this situation.