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By our staff 

Hey everyone!!! I just compiled this crazy quiz for funsies! Hope you enjoy and NO PEEKING at the results until you’re done!!

What’s was your basal body temperature at the moment you woke up this morning? 

  1. between 36.1 °C (97 °F) and 36.4 °C (97.5 °F). Suddenly, it rose to 36.4 °C (97.6 °F) to 37 °C (98.6 °F).
  2. 97.2° to 97.8°
  3. above 36.7 C 
  4. I’m too stressed to know
  5. 103 degrees fahrenheit. I’m having delusions. 

How much chocolate did you eat today?? Be HONEST! 

  1. I shouldn’t, But I must! 
  2. I’m more of a vanilla girlie myself. 
  3. Depends is it ethical? I only eat child-labor-sourced.
  4. *Grabs chocolate.* *takes a large bite* Ahhh. I needed this. 
  5. If chocolate is slang for pussy then tons. 

How are you feeling?

  1. So high, like a G6… (Throwback!!)
  2. IDK can normal be an answer?
  3. Like a million bucks.
  4. Darkness, war, pestilence, death, ect. 
  5. I’m literally Dane Cook. 

Who are you currently listening to?
A. The Good life – Weezer

B. Across the sea – Weezer

C. Tired of sex – Weezer 

D. Why Bother? – Weezer

E. J. Cole – Lights Please x The Deli – 5:32 pm (Remix)

What is your “bible?” 

  1. Binghamton review magazine issues
  2. The actual bible?? WTF
  3. Lord of the Rings… literally the same
  4. 1984
  5. Beatles Songbook Anthology

How do you stare?

  1. sigma stare
  2. flouride stare
  3. virgin glare
  4. StairMaster
  5. INTJ Stare

Do your boobs hurt at all?

  1. What are boobs?
  2. What is “hurt?”
  3. Boobs? 🙂
  4. What isn’t “hurt?”
  5. Boobs! >:(

If you stepped on a Lego, how would you react?

  1. No reaction; I didn’t feel the pain. Also, I’d fuck the lego.
  2. I’d say “oh drat!” and walk it off.
  3. I’d cry.
  4. I’d groan and roll my eyes.
  5. I’d build a fort from all the legos I’ve ever stepped on (2).

If you stick a clean finger in your vagina, what is the texture of your cervical mucus?

  1. Clear, thin and slippery, like the world’s worst egg whites.
  2. Thick, sticky, and opaque, like Binghamton Review’s articles
  3. Imagine making whipped cream from the aforementioned “world’s worst egg whites.” 
  5. My fingers are never clean ;(

What’s the most attractive quality in a man?

  1. Yelling at his mother and calling her a “bitch” to her face.
  2. Having more phobias and neuroses than hairs on his head.
  3. Being unable to talk about anything besides Nintendo and children’s cartoons from the early 2000s.
  4. Taking two-hour bathroom breaks, leaving me to take care of our three toddlers alone,
  5. He likes me :3

Mostly 1

CONGRATULATIONS!! You’re ovulating :3. If you want little tiny babies that are SO CUTE oooh coochie coochie cooo, you better find a sperm-spooger now! 

Mostly 2

Rev up those estrogen-machines, because you’re in the Follicular phase. Enjoy the temperatures circa 36.4℃ while it lasts, ‘cause when we go up to 36.7, you’ll be wondering how you didn’t get frostbite back then.

Mostly 3

Better call John Dowland and strike up that four-part harmony, because you’re in the Luteal Phase. Get it? Be- because “LUTE”-eal? It sounded funnier in my head. 

Mostly 4

U better figure out what size pussy u wear quick, cuz U R MENSTRUATING BABY! Now don’t worry, you can now tell that to every man you see and watch him squirm uncomfortably 

Mostly 5

As a doctor (of Education), I can confidently assert that there is something deeply wrong with you, both physiologically and psychologically. I would ordinarily suggest seeking medical attention, but you might just be beyond salvation.

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