Bing Review’s Sex Songs

By Our Staff Some may read this magazine and think, “man, Bing Review must have absolutely NO sex.” To this we say, “nuh uh.” We have plenty of sex, not just with your mom, but with HER mom too. And when we do it, we like to have some music playing in the background because we’re just cool like that. The following is a selection of our favorite songs for our (many) sexual escapades. She…

Have You Got “The Right Stuff?”

By Logan Blakeslee Dating culture in the 2020s is an unmitigated disaster. Too often we hear reports about rising loneliness among men and the worsening effects of sexual objectification on women. Dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, or FarmersOnly.com once promised a tantalizing alternative to the task of talking to someone of the opposite sex. Instead of fumbling a pickup line at the bar or the workplace and facing a humiliating rejection, millions of Americans could…

Mitski Songs for Your Romance Woes

by Emily Portalatin Valentine’s Day is full of variety: while some people look forward to gifts and dates, others stress over situationships, delusionships, and relationships so troublesome that they may begin to research their attachment style. It can be difficult to grapple with the emotions that come with bad romantic situations. One way I find it helpful to work through any feeling is through music. It may sound cliche, but shouting, crying, or even simply…

The Scarcity of Love

By Comson Cao Valentine’s Day is here, which means the usual rigamarole of buying flowers and chocolate, going out to a movie, or maybe draining one’s wallet with an expensive dinner. We have a very romanticized (haha) view of love in our contemporary society, but who can blame us? If given the chance, lots of people would probably want their relationships to resemble the great romances: an unbreakable bond between two lovers, unwaveringly dedicated until…

The Lecture From Hell

Angelo DiTocco BINGHAMTON, NY, Feb. 8 – A local mathematics professor at New York’s “Premier Public Ivy” has reportedly held one of the most excruciatingly long class sessions in history, according to Jack Hutchington, a student in the class who had been planning to make a move on his female colleague that day. “What I went through has to fall under cruel and unusual punishment!” exclaimed Jack in an interview, still in traumatic shock from…

“Sexapalooza” Makes Me Shudder

By Arthur O’Sullivan “Late Nite bought over one thousand dollars worth of sex toys for Sexapalooza this year.”  So spoke my source from inside Binghamton University’s “Late Nite” organization, which provides food, programming, and all other forms of entertainment to those students awake and alert enough to enjoy them. As someone with the social and sleeping habits of a reclusive retiree, my experience with Late Nite is limited. On some occasions, I have enjoyed the…

The Case for a “Philosophy of Science” Course at Binghamton

By Arthur O’Sullivan With our multiple millions of dollars dedicated to research, Binghamton University is renowned for being an elite research institution. We employ Nobel Prize-winning professors, thousands of graduate students, and several expansive research facilities, all to advance the scientific enterprise. These things are all praiseworthy. In fact, I contend that scientific research is my favorite aspect of Binghamton University. (My experience as an undergraduate researcher made me apply for a Master’s here, after…

The Redemption of Johnny Depp

By Marco Flores          After years of experiencing his career declining, actor Johnny Depp, best known for his role as Captain Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, is looking to make a comeback – this time in the director’s chair. Depp is working on his first major project directing a biopic titled Modi. The film follows the life of Italian artist and sculptor Amedeo Modigliani, known to his friends as “Modi.” Depp…

“On the Political Warpath”: The Iowa Republican Caucus

By Logan Blakeslee The future of the United States is likely a subject which hangs over the minds of many college students. Armchair theorists and media pundits are rallying to announce that the “end of American democracy” is nigh, and such a prediction is bound to stir up feelings of hostility between voters of both parties. The outcomes of Donald Trump’s many court cases will pose uncertainties for the powers and limitations on the Executive…

Reflections on the Revolutions in Binghamton: An Inquiry into the Vicissitudes of the Starry Corporation’s Takeover and its Phenomenological Implications

By Lambreau Demasi III, Esq. Imagine my shock—my Halloween horror—my delightful fright (defright!)—my unutterable outrage—as on my first day of campus, desiring a chilled beverage capable of quenching my sandblasted throat’s rapacious thirst, I make posthaste entry into the air-conditioned environ of Bartle Library, and descend its asymmetrical staircase to a place of my heart, an old stomping ground, my oasis—the vending machine wall, just to find a discommoding visage: on the machines’ facades, a…

The 10 Worst Things I’ve Ever Eaten

Angelo DiTocco If you’re an avid reader of Binghamton Review (as you should be), then you might remember an article I wrote in November called “How to Celebrate Thanksgiving in Today’s Economy.” In that article, I suggested that if you can’t afford to glaze your Thanksgiving turkey in cranberry sauce, then ketchup will do the job just fine. Or if Brie cheese is too expensive, you can just dip your crackers in mayonnaise or Cool…

How Not to Win: A Case Study of American Conservatism

By Comson Cao Famed economist and political commentator Thomas Sowell once said “When you want to help people, you tell them the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear”. It is incredibly difficult to stick to the pursuit of truth no matter what, but it’s even harder to speak out on it when it’s against your own team. At least, that would be the case if I…

The Addiction to Stimulants

By Midas Leung To say that I was not an iPad kid growing up would be a lie. The first time I was ever handed an electronic device was my parents’ iPhone 4. My brother and I pestered our parents to buy “Minecraft Pocket Edition” because our old Dell computer couldn’t handle the processing strain. My brother and I would always fight over our mother’s phone (we didn’t bother our father; he hated the idea…

The Decline of Western Civilization: The Rise, Fall, and Resurrection of the McRib

By Aiden Miller Those beautiful buns and saucy ribs.  Oh, how I would love to devour that delectable meal. If you’re a pervert, you probably thought I was talking about your wife, but I’m actually referencing McDonald’s infamous McRib Sandwich.  For the innumerable McDonald’s historians and certified fatties, this article is not for you. I’m solely here to educate the general public about the McRib, its history, and how the sandwich indirectly led to the…

“I’m Not Calling That Shit X”: A Rant

By Liam Steele Twitter, X, Y, Z, whatever the fuck they’re calling it now, has been at the forefront of free speech (i.e., giving literally every numpty with internet access a platform) for years. With its recent change-in-hands to everyone’s favorite manchild billionaire, Musk of Eel, the platform     has expanded this free speech base and allowed everyone—even public figures not particularly favored by popular media for whatever reason (i.e., orange businessman, Chicago rap…