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By Gemma Wattson

Alright men, since the mandatory consent classes at colleges and workplaces aren’t doing enough to teach you all not to rape, I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands. Unfortunately we live in a rape culture that tells men that raping women is a good thing and then sends the victims to prison, and therefore all men have become rapists. It’s time to put an end to that. Get ready for your crash course on consent.

A common phrase among enlightened feminists like myself is “no means no.” It is true that no means no, and it is important to spread that message, but it’s also important to teach men that yes doesn’t mean yes. Here’s an example. You’re at a party, and you start talking to a girl. Unfortunately, you seem to have forgotten your consent contract. You apologize about this, but ask her if she would like to have sex with you anyway. She says yes. Does this mean she is consenting to sex with you? If you answered yes, congrats, you’re a rapist.

Just because a woman verbally says that she wants to have sex with you, it doesn’t mean that she actually wants to have sex with you. Saying “yes” is not consent. Saying “I want to fuck you” is not consent. Saying “oh yeah, fuck me harder daddy” while she’s riding you is not consent. Even if she reaches down into your pants unprompted and starts aggressively stroking your cock, that does not mean she is consenting to anything. (My editor pointed out to me that maybe I should mention that the man isn’t consenting in this situation either, to which I laughed loudly and condescendingly. Men don’t need to consent, because men can’t be raped.)

The only way to properly get consent from a woman is for both of you to fill out a consent contract before engaging in any sexual behavior, including (but not limited to) vaginal sex, oral sex, anal sex, fingering, handjobs, kissing, whispering seductively into your partner’s ear, and pegging. Failure of either party to fill out a consent contract in its entirety is automatically rape.

For couples, both married and unmarried, a consent contract must be used every time you engage in sexual activity. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you have automatic consent. For married couples, it is considered acceptable to make copies of an already-completed contract, so that you only have to sign at the bottom each time you have sex. This privilege does not apply to people that are dating or are engaged; they must fill out the entire contract by hand each time.

It should also be noted that rape can still occur, even if both parties have properly completed a consent contract. The woman reserves the right to withdraw consent at any time, including during foreplay, during sex, or any time after the sexual encounter, no matter how much time has passed. The most important thing to understand is that consent is entirely up to the woman. If she decides one day that she no longer consents to sex that she had 10 years ago, then she has been raped, and the man involved is a rapist.

It should also be noted that none of this applies to homosexual couples. Men cannot be raped, and women cannot be rapists, therefore there is no situation in which rape can occur between two people of the same sex. The patriarchy wants you to think that people of all genders can be raped, but don’t fall into their misogynistic trap!

In conclusion, no means no, and yes means no. Only a consent contract filled out by both parties means yes, and even then it can mean no. Women have the ultimate authority on what is and isn’t rape, and if they decide that you were raped, then it is automatically true. #BelieveWomen. I know this is futile since men can’t resist their primitive urges to rape, but hopefully I got through to at least a few of the potential rapists out there. Gemma Wattson out.

2 Replies to “Yes Doesn’t Mean Yes”

  1. Basically, what this means is, no matter what a woman says or does, we men must assume she NEVER EVER under any conditions, wants to have sex with any of us. After all, ANY consent is subject to later withdrawal, she could be in drugs, emotionally damaged or just a woman. The only way to “get awsy” with actually having sex would be to never give her your real name, phone no. Or any other way to find you later. Doesn’t seem to hide well for an actual relationship. Maybe if women could say what they mean, things would be different, but that won’t happen, will it? No means no and yes means no and maybe means no and I love you means I hate you. Nice.

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