By Not Matt Gagliano
Anyone who knows me knows that there is nothing I love more than social media. Any free time I may have I always spend on my phone, scrolling endlessly through the intelligent and thought-provoking content that exists on all social networking sites. There is quite literally nothing I love more in life than posting every little thing that happens in my life online, and getting validation from a bunch of strangers. Well, except maybe ruining someone’s life because they said the word “retard” when they were 5 years old, obviously all ableist pigs like that deserve death, and I love playing a role in taking them down. To be completely honest with you, I don’t know what I would do if social media didn’t exist; probably read a book, or get a job, or something like that. Gross. Anyway, as the self-proclaimed social media expert, I have determined that there is one specific social media platform that is superior to all others: TikTok. Why is TikTok the best, you ask? Prepare to have your mind blown, because I’m about to spit some straight facts. Also, if you like this article, make sure you drop a like and follow me on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Reddit, Facebook, Snapchat, Pinterest, Myspace, and Google+.
The first reason that TikTok is the social media queen is because all of the videos are super short. This is good for two reasons. First, I don’t have to watch the same video for more than a minute, which is very helpful because what if I notice something shiny near me? You really expect me to continue watching a long video when there’s something else going on that I could be caring about? Cringe. If your video is longer than a minute, then clearly it’s made for super smart scientist people or something, because I don’t know anyone that can stay focused on one thing for longer than that. Second, in addition to being easier to watch, shorter videos are also easier to make. If you think about it, a TikTok is essentially just a tweet in video form. Oh my God, that sentence is going to do numbers on the r/im14andthisisdeep subreddit! Essentially what I mean by that is a TikTok video could just be something I thought of while taking a dump, and all I have to do is stick a camera in front of my face, say that random nonsense, and boom, I made content! It’s so easy to make content when I don’t have to put any thought or effort into it, and honestly it’s one of my favorite things about TikTok.
Speaking of making TikTok content without putting any effort into it, have you guys heard of TikTok’s duet feature? TikTok’s duet feature is the best feature on any social media platform. Periodt. What it does is it allows you to take someone else’s video, and make a video side by side with it, so you can film yourself reacting to it. Honestly, it’s so great that I can just duet someone’s super hilarious TikTok, and spice it up with a video of me laughing next to it. In case you’re wondering, no, this is not just taking someone else’s TikTok and passing it off as original content. I put a video of myself laughing next to it, that means I contributed just as much as the other person did, and therefore I deserve just as much credit in creating that TikTok. Being able to gain popularity by “borrowing” another person’s TikTok is definitely a huge factor in why I love TikTok so much.
As my final piece of evidence, I would like to talk about a real world example of TikTok improving someone’s life. Yeah, you read that right; TikTok is that amazing. Last summer, I worked as a counselor at a summer camp. My group of campers were between 10 and 11 years old, so most of them either had a TikTok account, or at least knew what TikTok was. There was this one camper, whose name I’m obviously not going to say, (doxing is only ok if you’re doxing someone who hurt someone else’s feelings), who didn’t seem as into the camp activities as the other campers. I tried to talk to her, to see if there was any way I could improve her camp experience, but I was met with a shoulder shrug, as she continued to look disinterested with whatever activity we happened to be doing. The only time I ever saw her genuinely excited to be at camp was at the end of the day, when she was allowed to take out her phone and go on TikTok. That is the power that TikTok has. This camper was miserable when she was not on TikTok, she simply couldn’t enjoy anything unless there was a screen in her face playing videos of people dancing to the same five songs over and over again. It is truly heartwarming that TikTok was able to provide enjoyment to this camper, who, for some reason, seemed to have lost her enjoyment for everything else. If that doesn’t convince you that TikTok is the one true god of social media, then I don’t know what will. Thank you everyone for reading. Don’t forget to like and subscribe, and check out today’s sponsor: The CCP!