Posted on

By Anonymous

At this point, it has become common knowledge that education systems are essentially a new form of indoctrination. Ranging from colleges to elementary schools, America’s children are being fed bullshit by schools from when they can walk. And I’m here to say, that’s wrong. Not morally, but rather there is a more effective way of achieving this same goal. 

While children are more susceptible to trusting much of what an authority figure (like a teacher) says, they will still have their own predispositions from the way their family and friends think, along with their own experiences. That means, in spite of what is being taught in schools, there are so many uncontrolled variables that are unaccounted for that diminish the indoctrination attempts through public education. Luckily, I have a solution.

It starts with an ambitious man. Someone who genuinely believes in the message they are trying to spread, by any means necessary. And with every successful man, there must be a woman ready to work just as hard. She must be just as committed to the plan, and even more so ready to use any means necessary for said goal. A lump sum of money is also needed, and a mansion will need to be built. If you’re familiar with the X-Men series and Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, this explanation will make a lot more sense as it draws striking resemblances.

First, a lot of children must be made. A LOT. The committed couple will be spawning tens, no hundreds of children, and raising them by themselves. This is to eliminate children having predispositions. If they are all being raised by the same people, with little contact to the outside world, they will have nothing to believe besides what their only teachers (their parents) are feeding them! These children will all be raised together, which is why the mansion is necessary to fit everyone in, and they will be taught Chomsky at birth. As they grow older they will read the works of Hegel, Marx, and Engels, and they will have no other system to follow. 

The following is a list of instructions to ensure the safety and success of whomever eventually follows this. Anyone that demonstrates stark opposition to any teachings will be apart of the post-birth abortion clinic, which will be a side plot of land in close proximity to the mansion. Internet services will not be provided, but there will be a host of books available. For the sake of their well-being, sporting equipment should also be present. Contact to the outside world must be prohibited. That will jeopardize this entire program, and the hard work that went into planning and executing it. 

Now you may ask, “Will I have to raise these children forever, even when they’re not children?” And that’s a tough question as it isn’t exactly black or white. This is likely the only room for hell to break loose within this proposal. The two parents must use their own subjective judgment to decide when to release their offspring. If they release them too early, their teachings may be nullified through scum capitalist propaganda in the real world. If the children are released too late, they are more likely to cause problems at home, and act restless and irresponsibly. That can impair the education of the rest of the children. So both costs can be brutal, and it is up to the parents to find the goldilocks equilibrium. 

This will take time, this will take effort. But this is by far the most peaceful way of staging a revolution. If this is what it takes to overthrow the capitalist regime, so be it.

*Disclaimer: This is all satirical. No one in their right mind would teach a moderate like Chomsky to children beginning their education. Instead they will just be given Marx’s Capital to begin. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *