By Thomas Pound It was a cold fall morning when I arrived at a sleepy suburb of Binghamton, NY to meet anti-war advocate Corey Pith. Outside his front porch blew a US flag with the field of stars in the canton replaced with a peace sign. The story goes that when he initially flew the flag, the town’s Homeowners Association demanded he take it down. He valiantly refused and weathered the storm in order to…
Politics are Fucked
By I Hate Dale I’m tired of constantly pulling up Instagram to look at some big titty hoes and seeing that purple circle around the profile picture of some loser I went to high school with, and it’s another copy-paste on why their political opinion is superior to someone else’s. Not only does this interrupt the stories of the people I want to see (the big booty bitches), but honestly it’s sad to see someone…
The Gift of the Bearcat
By O. Crap One thousand BUC$ and eighty-seven cents. That was all. And sixty cents of it was in pennies. Pennies saved one and two at a time by bulldozing the grocer and the vegetable man and the butcher until one’s cheeks burned with the silent imputation of the bulldozer that killed them. Three times Harvey counted it. One thousand and eighty-seven BUC$. And the next day would be Christmas. There was clearly nothing to…
The Best Music of 2022
By Dillon O’Toole Well, the end of yet another year is fast approaching. That means only one thing: I get to talk about what great music came out this year! As always, this article (that’s totally not a list expanded into paragraphs) will be heavily biased as I won’t be considering anything that I haven’t listened to. So, if you read this and you don’t see one of your favorites on here, I probably just…
I Don’t Care about Your Spotify Wrapped
By Our Staff I’ve spent the last twelve months plotting my revenge. Last year I got endlessly bullied for my “cringe” Spotify Wrapped. At 100 Gecs they winced; at Three Doors Down they gaffed; at Maroon 5 they chortled. Ever since, I’ve had nothing in the gleam of my eye besides violent overthrow. Everyday I curated my tastes to the highest degree of refined culture; over one hundred years of recorded music at my fingertips.…
How Useful Is Advice?
By Siddharth Gundapaneni Lately, you and your best friend Jimmy haven’t been on the best of terms. Jimmy’s taken issue with another friend of yours, Bob, and wants you to pick between him and Bob. Thus, you decide to speak to Jimmy and try to explain that Bob is not such a bad guy, and if Jimmy would just get to know Bob, he’d realize that as well. Jimmy has a tendency to laugh a…
Coulter Catastrophe at Cornell
By Logan Blakeslee Something was amiss on the cold night of November 9, 2022. In the prestigious Myron Taylor Hall at Cornell University, a large crowd gathered to hear a guest speaker who carries a certain degree of infamy in American media, Ann Coulter. An author, commentator, and conservative firebrand, Coulter was bound to attract some negative attention while visiting one of the most liberal colleges in New York, if not the United States. The…
Am I Supposed to Eat a Dog?
by Midas Leung One of my first encounters with stereotypes was when I was in elementary school. Though it felt like a majority of my school was of a minority group, everyone had their own eccentricities that we would soon realize made us different from those around us. Closer to fourth and fifth grade, I noticed the people around me becoming more different from one another and started clumping into their own groups. Soon the…
Should Everyone Vote?
By Arthur O’Sullivan Much like that time when I slept with my girlfriend’s twin, I have two important questions: Should everyone have the right to vote? Should each person with the right to vote do so? As confused as the Smith sisters were when I asked them last March, I am nevertheless confident that these questions are essential to the proper functioning of our American democracy. In case you haven’t noticed, we had an election…
A Thanksgiving Recipe to Make Your Wife Leave You
By Martha Stewart’s Tax Accountant I didn’t have an easy life growing up. I didn’t have an easy life shrinking down. The days, weeks, months, years, decades, and half-century of my life have been filled with execrable excretions of the devil into my outstretched hands. When I was born, the doctor said, “Well Miss Bloom, I tried my best, but he came out alive!” When I was growing up, my dog tried to put me…
Paradoxically Fun
By Dillon O’Toole If any of you have read my article from last semester, “Yet Another Brick Wall,” you will know that I find great enjoyment in video games. That article in particular talked about my appreciation for a specific genre of video game most prominently made by the developer FromSoftware. A major takeaway from that article was that you can find enjoyment in a genre that many find frustrating. Don’t worry, this article won’t…
PEPFAR: Giving Thanks for an Unpopular President
By Arthur O’Sullivan George W. Bush’s international legacy is—let’s just say—controversial. His global war on terror and tyranny appeared to increase both, especially to his enemies on the right and left. He famously entered the presidency with a budget surplus and a functioning economy, and left it with ballooning debt and a severe recession, the effects of which still resound in countries such as Greece. Regardless of his own culpability, such crises tarnished his reputation,…
Parallel AES Algorithm for Performance Improvement
Hrishitva Patel The era of the so-called “Internet of Things” (IoT) has resulted in an ever-increasing number of connected people and devices. In 2015, more than 15 billion devices were connected, and in 2019 that number reached nearly 26 billion. By 2025, this number may reach 75 billion devices worldwide. While enjoying the services brought about by the IoT, there is increasing scrutiny on the security of its technologies, especially after infamous hacks and leaks…
Clean the Dishes!
By Dillon O’Toole As I sit here at my desk procrastinating my various assignments due tomorrow (who needs sleep anyway?), I wonder how I got to the point of actually writing this article. My initial plan for this issue was to rework an article I was writing about some video games (you know, the usual fare from me). Depending on how much time I end up having this week (and also how much content we…
Workin’ 9 to 5, a Way to Make a Livin’?
By: Midas Leung If you ever watch the news between elections or when a politician is getting bashed, one of the main statistics they bring up is the number of jobs available to the population. Although the amount of jobs has been increasing, we see that most are being given to those who don’t necessarily have degrees but rather people who have connections. Just before COVID, I didn’t know what to do with my life,…