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By Arthur O’Sullivan

Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS for short) can be broadly defined as an acute hysterical reaction—be it psychological, physical, or even spiritual—to the words, actions, presidency, and existence of the former president Donald J. Trump. 

This phenomenon is not necessarily unique to the Orange Man: presidential derangement syndromes have been diagnosed as far back as the Elizabethan era of 2003, when the late psychiatrist and neoconservative pundit Charles Krauthammer coined the term “Bush Derangement Syndrome” in reference to the otherwise-sensible Governor of Vermont speculating that Bush had foreknowledge of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, and was “suppressing the Sept. 11 report” on that basis. Krauthammer defines Bush Derangement Syndrome as, “the acute onset of paranoia in otherwise normal people in reaction to the policies, the presidency – nay – the very existence of George W. Bush.” 

Of course, it’s only fair to have the mirror held up to Republicans, as Ezra Klein did in his Vox piece, “Obama Derangement Syndrome.” Klein claims that whereas BDS concerns the left’s reaction to the policies and actions of the former president, “Obama Derangement Syndrome” concerns the right’s paranoia about the then-president’s birth and race. In his terms, “[Obama Derangement Syndrome] isn’t so much paranoia about President Obama’s policies as it is paranoia about the man himself—that he is, in some fundamental way, different, foreign, untrustworthy, even traitorous.” He concludes his remarks on Obama Derangement Syndrome, saying, “the alternative explanation—the one that looks at why Obama makes some Americans so much more uncomfortable than, say, Joe Biden—requires a much harder conversation.” (While a striking line then, the apparent emergence of Biden Derangement Syndrome may warrant reconsidering this statement.)

This brings us to the big cheese himself: Donald Trump. It should be uncontroversial to say that he has a bit of an ego. From his speeches and intimations, he clearly considers himself to have transcended any modern president, Republican or Democrat—and at least in the realm of derangement, he certainly has. Whereas the previous derangement syndromes exist almost entirely in one party—directed against the president of the other—Trump Derangement Syndrome successfully transcends the partisan divide, twisting virtually every otherwise intelligent and reasonable American into tragi-comedic facsimiles of themselves at the mere mention of the TrumpTM brand. And unless you’re Amish, there is absolutely no escape from its effects.

I propose that this Trump Derangement Syndrome, broadly defined at the beginning of this article, can be divided into two types: I and II, like diabetes. Though the symptoms may appear radically different or even diametrically opposed, the root causes are the same: excessive exposure to media pertaining to Trump, superfluous free time, lack of contact with the human-sunlight-grass trifecta, and co-morbid psychiatric disorders severely elevate the risk of contracting TDS. The following are the major symptoms of each type:

Type I (Trumpmisia):

The default definition of TDS: it follows similar patterns to the aforementioned derangement syndromes, but is elevated beyond the possibility of parody. Type I TDS is very common among liberal, progressive, and otherwise left-wing individuals and groups. Notable cases among these groups are too numerous to count but often manifest in bizarre or otherwise embarrassing ways (see below). Type I TDS is not exclusive to the left; notable conservative (or formerly conservative) individuals with Type I TDS include Bill Kristol, David French, and Jennifer Rubin. 

Exhibiting (5) or more of the following symptoms indicates Type I TDS:

  • You are Shia LaBoeuf or unironically supported Shia LaBoeuf’s “He Will Not Divide Us” campaign.
  • You spend five or more hours a week per annum seething about Donald Trump on social media.
  • You consider Dash Dobrofsky to be too soft on Donald Trump. 
  • You use late-night talk shows as a principal source of news.
  • You took part in Binghamton University’s 2019 protest of the economist Arthur Laffer due to his brief involvement with the Trump administration.
  • You staunchly believe that the classified documents at Mar-a-Lago were nuclear codes for sale.
  • You fulminated at Merrick Garland appointing a special prosecutor for Biden’s classified documents case, because “Trump’s case was worse.”
  • You firmly believed that the Russia-gate investigation, January 6th commission, or Trump’s taxes would result in anything. 

Type II (Trumpphilia):

An inversion of Type I TDS, Type II exists almost exclusively on the right. Whereas those suffering from Type I TDS exist in a state of paranoid contrarianism about every action that Donald Trump has made or will ever make, Type II TDS patients exhibit a rabid and unrelenting loyalty to the former president, the obnoxiousness of which is matched only by their body odor. Notable conservative individuals with Type II TDS include Rudy Giuliani, Tim Pool, Ted Cruz, among many other diverse people. 

Exhibiting (5) or more of the following symptoms indicates Type II TDS:

  • You were the crying woman who made that “Save Us President Trump!” tik-tok.
  • Your reflexive reaction to any criticism of Donald Trump is defense.
  • In defending Donald Trump, you are quick to compromise or change your principles.
  • You own a “Keep America Great” hat.
  • You believe that Mike Pence, Ted Cruz, and Mitch McConnell are RINOs (Republicans in Name Only). 
  • You tried or continue to use “alt-media” (e.g. TruthSocial, Bitchute etc.) to get “the truth.”
  • You believed that Trump would win by a landslide in 2020, and/or held that the election was rigged when he did not. 
  • You stood by each and every one of President Trump’s cabinet picks, including when he fired them.

Regardless of the type, TDS remains a destructive psychiatric pandemic that requires a major intervention on behalf of the “grass-touching”-industrial complex. 

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