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By Baddieline

So–I was going about my day, browsing the interwebs, when I stumbled upon this really scientific article published by a website that also hosts quizzes like ‘Which Guy From the Office Would Find You Attractive Based on Your Favorite Fruit?’ (Michael Scott!! XD). The article said some really smart things about dopamine and how playing Minecraft is basically just like doing cocaine!!! Or even having sex, which I can’t confirm or deny since I’ve never done cocaine or had sex, but those things do sound scary and I thought Minecraft was innocent O__o. Anyway, I thought it would be fun to learn more about the brain because I AM LITERALLY A BRAIN CONTROLLING A MEAT SUIT YOU GUYS so I kept looking into it and found a whole bunch of articles on ‘neuroscience.’ WHOOF, that word sounds really smart, I needed to put my glasses on just to say it! I think it means when there’s dopamine: THE HAPPY CHEMICAL!! Like when you don’t go on TikTok for 3 hours you go through a dopamine detox and that’s why you start getting all twitchy and weird :P. 

Anyway, one of the articles talked about the brain differences between men and women and it was so cool I thought I’d share it with you all! (MY LOYAL FANNNSSS *pats you*) I just think it’s so crazy how a lot of things in society are actually all because of brain shapes! Like how men are better at logic and reasoning and problem-solving and women are better at helping puppies on the side of the road in a box. (And before you feminazis get uber-triggered at me for typing facts, just remember these were all proven by studies and if you don’t believe me you can read the article too. Just like that genius guy who Google fired just because he was just Sheldon-from-Big-Bang-Theory and didn’t understand social cues when he wrote that memo on why women are biologically less suited to tech jobs. People should not be canceled for stating facts, you guys. Women are biologically neurotic and just because some people don’t like to hear it doesn’t mean it’s not true!)  

Women’s brains are totally different in the way that they’re wired and also women’s brains are in the shape of a giraffe while men’s brains are the shape of an elephant. This doesn’t mean one is better than the other, it just means they’re different! Also, women’s brains have something called the Shopping Lobe, which propels their drive to buy shoes and spend all their husband’s moneys XD. They also genetically cannot stop craving chocolate and talking about their period. But they’re better with emotions and feelings and English class To Kill a Mockingbird which is why they always pick the low-paying jobs LOL. Men’s brains also have differences like they’re better with tools and fixing things like cars and houses and stuff that actually does something beneficial instead of being a complete DRAIN on SOCIETY! It’s definitely been proven that they’re better at math somewhere but I forget where so don’t ask me. 

This is why women and men can’t really understand each other—they just think in totally different ways! Even though there’s not really any part of the brain that’s always different for males and females I SWEAR the biology is real it’s just that everyone who tries to talk about it is censored by the easily-offended media. Cultural environment really doesn’t have a big impact on this and I get really mad when people say stuff like that! I just get so mad that my face turns red and steam comes out of my ears and my head makes a train whistle sound! Also, the metrics we use to define diagnoses are not biased, men are biologically 100x as likely to be autistic since they’re more likely to enjoy trains and the biological diagnostic criteria we came up with just happens to be ‘playing with trains.’ In women, autism is not real it’s just called being a horse girl or owning more than 3 Squishmallows. 

Honestly, women are just genetically predisposed to having bad personalities that are simultaneously nagging yet not aggressive enough to get raises or promotions or be taken seriously. Just because “biology” was used in the past to justify racism does not mean this is the same thing at all!!! They were wrong then but we just got it right this time. I’m totally not trying to use umbrella term air-quotes biology as a thin veneer to imply that women are trivial and sensitive while men are more suited to the workforce and therefore have more social utility. I’m NOT saying that! 

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