By Madeline Perez When I was 7, I wrote and illustrated a “book” about vampires. I know this because I was so proud of my book, in the post-coital haze of my creation, I thought other people would not believe a 7-year-old could possibly have written it, so I put my full name and age on the front in colored pencil. I love vampires. I love their cool teeth. I love vague Catholic gesturing. But…
“Baxter Devouring His Son”
By Logan Blakeslee Much has been spoken and written about the clash between pro-life and pro-choice students at Binghamton University on September 18, 2023. It was the first big campus controversy of the semester and one that will be remembered for a terrible, disgusting reason. I will address that reason shortly. Before that, I will say that Binghamton University cannot claim that it is sending its best and brightest out into the world when its…
Duolingo, Burnout, and Extrinsic Motivation
By Emily Portalatin Has anyone else noticed the inability for anyone to be consistent these days? People are always CHANGING THEIR MINDS and TRYING NEW THINGS. Geez, it’s not like humans are dynamic and ever-changing. Pick your thing, stick to it, and don’t even THINK about getting tired of it, even if it hurts! Back in MY day, it was cool and impressive to do the same thing for years, even if you no longer…
How to Cope and Seethe Like a Boss
Madeline Perez So, let’s engage in a thought exercise. You are a breathtakingly bodacious babe who is looking for a man to solve mysteries with. You have all the apps and programs: Kik, Chatroulette, Facebook Messenger… Suddenly, a message! Your hopes soar, but you are dismayed to find that some 45-year-old creep has just “*tips fedora*”’ed at you, and that’s the 10th time this week. Politely you decline, assuring him that his Ramona-Flowers-dream-girl/gamer is still…
“I have so much to say about the Roman Empire. I’m sorry”
By Toby Olson In the three days that I was home over the long weekend, my sister asked me how often I think about the Roman Empire. In asking this question, she was laying a trap. I’m taking two classes this semester that deal directly with the Romans and their legacy, so my readiness to say, “yeah all the time” to that question was immediately ridiculed. I immediately jumped in defense of my fascination with…
The Miserable Mets
By Aiden Miller Throwing a changeup to the average Binghamton Review reader with an article about baseball. Yes, a writer in the Binghamton Review is writing something directly related to sports. A stunning day in the history of this club. Now I know what you incels may be asking, “Get this guy out of here I only care about politics and stupid jokes.”. Well, go fuck yourself. I’m going to write an article about a…
An Unbiased and Impartial Review of Binghamton Clubs
By Saguaro Long ago, when I roamed this earth as a freshman at Bing, I was nervous about joining clubs. For those current freshmen out there, fear not, for I have arrived, ready to deliver crucial information concerning the various extracurricular activities found on campus—particularly ones that I have experience with. Campus Survival Games Before I go into depth about this club, I will say that although I haven’t spent MUCH time with this club,…
RANDOM QUIZ XD
By our staff Hey everyone!!! I just compiled this crazy quiz for funsies! Hope you enjoy and NO PEEKING at the results until you’re done!! What’s was your basal body temperature at the moment you woke up this morning? How much chocolate did you eat today?? Be HONEST! How are you feeling? Who are you currently listening to?A. The Good life – Weezer B. Across the sea – Weezer C. Tired of sex – Weezer …
Joe’s Declassified: College Survival Guide
By Joe Badalamenti In a college full of closed dining halls. Insane final papers and nowhere to park your car, I, Joe Bigby, will help you do the impossible: survive college! [insert wacky theme song] Now you may be asking yourself: who is Joe and why do I care about his advice? Well for one, I’m someone who’s made it through college and accomplished pretty much all of my professional goals. In other words, I…
Uncommon Advice for College
By Arthur O’Sullivan Hi Freshmen. Are you sick of the generic “Advice for Freshmen” that everyone and their grandma vomits everywhere you turn? The advice that goes like “stay hydrated ;)!” and “don’t overwhelm yourself :3” and “be nice to your roommates :::::::::)))))))))))),” et cetera et cetera? Would you sooner eat a lick your communal bathroom’s floor than listen to another “Study tips you NEED to know to succeed”? Well first of all, stop whining.…
So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye
By Madeline Perez When I was a freshman, waltzing around UFest, I found myself interested in lots of booths. Among these were the Fine Arts Society (a drawing club that I can only assume died when COVID struck and now no one can remember and I am the last remaining link to their history), the tennis and swimming clubs, and Binghamton Review Magazine. I think I signed up for other clubs probably involving singing, games,…
Lessons Learned
By Dillon O’Toole It hasn’t fully hit me yet but my time here at Binghamton is almost at an end. The realization that I am only a few weeks away from graduation has been a slow burn and I can only imagine how I will feel come the week of graduation. But looking back, it really hasn’t felt like I have been in college for four years. With COVID hitting during my second semester here,…
The Art of Not Working
By S.G. Panini Sometimes you have a lot on your plate: worrying about classes, your stagnant relationship life, what to eat for lunch. Other times it’s just pure laziness. On rare occasions you’re amped and willing, but just can’t for some reason; some days are slower than others. The bottom line is you’re not gonna work. It happens… a lot, and I empathize with you. Today, I’m going to teach a masterclass on not working,…
The S.A. Election Autopsy
By Logan Blakeslee Running for a position on the S.A. E-Board can sometimes feel like Don Quixote charging at a windmill. Without the necessary social capital, it’s a task that is very easy to miscomprehend, and failure is nothing short of spectacular. I begin this article with the concession that I was not the victor in either the 2021-2022 or 2023-2024 S.A. presidential elections, and the temporary sting of defeat has given way to reflection…
The Persona Article
By Dillon O’Toole Hey everyone, it sure has been a while since I last wrote something (at least if you ignore the advice column). In that time, many ideas have come and gone, but, in the end, I was unable to transfer any of them into concrete ideas. That is, until today. Unlike a lot of the people I know, I never had any interest in either anime or JRPGs (Japanese Role-Playing Games). I watched…