The Miserable Mets

By Aiden Miller Throwing a changeup to the average Binghamton Review reader with an article about baseball.  Yes, a writer in the Binghamton Review is writing something directly related to sports.  A stunning day in the history of this club.  Now I know what you incels may be asking, “Get this guy out of here I only care about politics and stupid jokes.”. Well, go fuck yourself. I’m going to write an article about a…

An Unbiased and Impartial Review of Binghamton Clubs

By Saguaro  Long ago, when I roamed this earth as a freshman at Bing, I was nervous about joining clubs. For those current freshmen out there, fear not, for I have arrived, ready to deliver crucial information concerning the various extracurricular activities found on campus—particularly ones that I have experience with.  Campus Survival Games Before I go into depth about this club, I will say that although I haven’t spent MUCH time with this club,…

RANDOM QUIZ XD

By our staff  Hey everyone!!! I just compiled this crazy quiz for funsies! Hope you enjoy and NO PEEKING at the results until you’re done!! What’s was your basal body temperature at the moment you woke up this morning?  How much chocolate did you eat today?? Be HONEST!  How are you feeling? Who are you currently listening to?A. The Good life – Weezer B. Across the sea – Weezer C. Tired of sex – Weezer …

Joe’s Declassified: College Survival Guide 

By Joe Badalamenti  In a college full of closed dining halls. Insane final papers and nowhere to park your car, I, Joe Bigby, will help you do the impossible: survive college! [insert wacky theme song] Now you may be asking yourself: who is Joe and why do I care about his advice? Well for one, I’m someone who’s made it through college and accomplished pretty much all of my professional goals. In other words, I…

Uncommon Advice for College

By Arthur O’Sullivan Hi Freshmen. Are you sick of the generic “Advice for Freshmen” that everyone and their grandma vomits everywhere you turn? The advice that goes like “stay hydrated ;)!” and “don’t overwhelm yourself :3” and “be nice to your roommates :::::::::)))))))))))),” et cetera et cetera? Would you sooner eat a lick your communal bathroom’s floor than listen to another “Study tips you NEED to know to succeed”?  Well first of all, stop whining.…

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye

By Madeline Perez When I was a freshman, waltzing around UFest, I found myself interested in lots of booths. Among these were the Fine Arts Society (a drawing club that I can only assume died when COVID struck and now no one can remember and I am the last remaining link to their history), the tennis and swimming clubs, and Binghamton Review Magazine. I think I signed up for other clubs probably involving singing, games,…

Lessons Learned

By Dillon O’Toole It hasn’t fully hit me yet but my time here at Binghamton is almost at an end. The realization that I am only a few weeks away from graduation has been a slow burn and I can only imagine how I will feel come the week of graduation. But looking back, it really hasn’t felt like I have been in college for four years. With COVID hitting during my second semester here,…

The Art of Not Working

By S.G. Panini Sometimes you have a lot on your plate: worrying about classes, your stagnant relationship life, what to eat for lunch. Other times it’s just pure laziness. On rare occasions you’re amped and willing, but just can’t for some reason; some days are slower than others. The bottom line is you’re not gonna work. It happens… a lot, and I empathize with you. Today, I’m going to teach a masterclass on not working,…

The S.A. Election Autopsy

By Logan Blakeslee Running for a position on the S.A. E-Board can sometimes feel like Don Quixote charging at a windmill. Without the necessary social capital, it’s a task that is very easy to miscomprehend, and failure is nothing short of spectacular. I begin this article with the concession that I was not the victor in either the 2021-2022 or 2023-2024 S.A. presidential elections, and the temporary sting of defeat has given way to reflection…

The Persona Article

By Dillon O’Toole Hey everyone, it sure has been a while since I last wrote something (at least if you ignore the advice column). In that time, many ideas have come and gone, but, in the end, I was unable to transfer any of them into concrete ideas. That is, until today.   Unlike a lot of the people I know, I never had any interest in either anime or JRPGs (Japanese Role-Playing Games). I watched…

My Asian American Mom

By Midas Leung Recently in my Asian American class, I was tasked with doing an interview with my mother which showed me how much I already understood my mother. However, she did clarify a couple of misconceptions regarding her stories. One of my ancestors, for instance, was the child of a prostitute who I found out was Scottish. The funny thing is that the prostitute was Scottish and my ancestor was the Chinaman (what a…

The Shopping Lobe 

By Baddieline So–I was going about my day, browsing the interwebs, when I stumbled upon this really scientific article published by a website that also hosts quizzes like ‘Which Guy From the Office Would Find You Attractive Based on Your Favorite Fruit?’ (Michael Scott!! XD). The article said some really smart things about dopamine and how playing Minecraft is basically just like doing cocaine!!! Or even having sex, which I can’t confirm or deny since…

It’s-a Me! A Gamer’s Unwanted Opinion!

By Emily Portalatin Ah yes, April… not the most notable month of the year, but a fun month nonetheless with its fair share of holidays. There’s April Fool’s Day, but I personally refuse to be confined to one measly day of silliness. Who needs April Fools when I can shamelessly wear a metaphorical clown suit that jingles with each step every day of my life? And apparently April 4th is National Hug a Newsperson Day?…

’87: The Secret History of Binghamton Review 

By Arthur O’Sullivan (To the tune of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah) I heard there was a secret room Where Mangle was, in FNAF Two But you don’t really care for Foxies, do you? It goes like this, the vent, the hiss, Without the mask, he’s really pissed. It’s Mangle, and he bites in ’87. ’87. ’87. ’87. ‘eighty se-e-e-e-ven. Any zoomer born after 2002 can’t game. All they know is Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria, charge they doors,…

Godzilla vs. Megalon: A Cinematic Masterpiece

By Logan Blakeslee On March 17, 1973, Japanese film audiences had the opportunity to experience a true tour de force that forever revolutionized special effects, artistic cinema, and storytelling itself. 50 years later, it stands as an underappreciated gem, a cult classic that only gets better over time. For the uninitiated, it’s a cheap blockbuster intended for children and their parents. For the enlightened, Godzilla vs. Megalon is peak kino. The characters are inspirational, the…