Musings of a Schmirnoff Drinking Man

By El Lento This article will diverge from what one likely expects from Binghamton Review. Despite the facetious title, what follows is not satirical and is instead a serious attempt at analysis of the incidents in February wherein multiple unidentified objects (I will attempt to avoid the nomenclature “UFO” due to its association with aliens) were shot down. I acknowledge that although I lack definitive evidence of what really happened, I believe the standing narrative…

Magic Words

By Arthur O’Sullivan Gee golly, thinking sure is hard! There’s just too much to deal with: finding the right words, balancing reason and critique, entertaining the possibility that I could be wrong…  my room-temperature IQ just can’t handle it! (I can’t even think about what I had for breakfast.) You know what isn’t hard, though? Masturbation. It’s so simple, a monkey could do it! All you need to do is get in the mood, make…

A Proposal for Direct Democracy

By Siddharth Gundapaneni In grade school we were taught that democracy is a system whereby constituents of a nation are able to voice their opinions, and have a say in their nation’s affairs. This idea first began with a direct democracy. We were then taught that the United States, and many other developed nations, use a representative democracy because most adults do not have time to vote on every policy everyday. Thus, we elect people…

Former Presidents Make Peace Through Gaming?

By Daniel Guido Something extraordinary has happened: As Winter finally subsides and the dawn of Spring is upon us, so dawns the beginning of a new age in America. It appears as though peace has finally been brought to the American political arena.  The big players in the American political scene, including former presidents and political commentators, have put away their petty squabbles and bickering to instead cooperate in a more reasonable manner. President Joe…

To Cum, or Not to Cum

By Sean Harrigan That is the question. If Shakespeare were here himself, he most likely would point to his Christian beliefs for the answer to this question, and answer “not to cum” with his raised, sticky right hand. Typical Christian. I would agree with Shakespeare if he answered in such a way. The main defense I would argue involves the biochemical process within one’s brain, occurring from released catecholamines, the most famous of which being…

Who Gets the Rose?

By M. Steck  It’s Valentine’s day. You’re a flower salesman, circling restaurants and wheedling men into buying roses for their female companions..but that table..they’re both men..how can that be?? Of course, Valentine’s day is a celebration of open, joyful love. But when you aren’t allowed to be open or joyful about your love, what is Valentine’s Day? I spoke with Michael Sabatino, Robert Voorhees, and Brad Crownover to supplement this piece with some personal accounts.…

TDS: Types I and II

By Arthur O’Sullivan Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS for short) can be broadly defined as an acute hysterical reaction—be it psychological, physical, or even spiritual—to the words, actions, presidency, and existence of the former president Donald J. Trump.  This phenomenon is not necessarily unique to the Orange Man: presidential derangement syndromes have been diagnosed as far back as the Elizabethan era of 2003, when the late psychiatrist and neoconservative pundit Charles Krauthammer coined the term “Bush…

AI, the Scourge of Humanity?

By Joe Badalamenti In the past century, technological advancement has been growing at an exponential rate. Artificial Intelligence (or AI), a specific application of computing technology, has been developed to complete increasingly complex tasks: DallE has the ability to generate unique and detailed paintings; ChatGPT has the ability to create essays, code slices, and other complex compositions, all the while newer, more advanced AI programs are being developed each day. Will Artificial Intelligence programs reach…

“This War is Different”

By Thomas Pound It was a cold fall morning when I arrived at a sleepy suburb of Binghamton, NY to meet anti-war advocate Corey Pith. Outside his front porch blew a US flag with the field of stars in the canton replaced with a peace sign. The story goes that when he initially flew the flag, the town’s Homeowners Association demanded he take it down. He valiantly refused and weathered the storm in order to…

Politics are Fucked 

By I Hate Dale I’m tired of constantly pulling up Instagram to look at some big titty hoes and seeing that purple circle around the profile picture of some loser I went to high school with, and it’s another copy-paste on why their political opinion is superior to someone else’s. Not only does this interrupt the stories of the people I want to see (the big booty bitches), but honestly it’s sad to see someone…

Coulter Catastrophe at Cornell

By Logan Blakeslee Something was amiss on the cold night of November 9, 2022. In the prestigious Myron Taylor Hall at Cornell University, a large crowd gathered to hear a guest speaker who carries a certain degree of infamy in American media, Ann Coulter. An author, commentator, and conservative firebrand, Coulter was bound to attract some negative attention while visiting one of the most liberal colleges in New York, if not the United States. The…

Should Everyone Vote?

By Arthur O’Sullivan Much like that time when I slept with my girlfriend’s twin, I have two important questions: Should everyone have the right to vote? Should each person with the right to vote do so? As confused as the Smith sisters were when I asked them last March, I am nevertheless confident that these questions are essential to the proper functioning of our American democracy. In case you haven’t noticed, we had an election…

PEPFAR: Giving Thanks for an Unpopular President

By Arthur O’Sullivan George W. Bush’s international legacy is—let’s just say—controversial. His global war on terror and tyranny appeared to increase both, especially to his enemies on the right and left. He famously entered the presidency with a budget surplus and a functioning economy, and left it with ballooning debt and a severe recession, the effects of which still resound in countries such as Greece. Regardless of his own culpability, such crises tarnished his reputation,…

The Jon Lizak Incident

By Logan Blakeslee, Sean Harrigan, and Arthur O’Sullivan The United States of America experienced an unprecedented event on January 6, 2021: A sitting president refused to concede his electoral loss, believing that the vote had been stolen through massive voting fraud. That day, nearly 12,000 ardent supporters of Donald Trump gathered at the U.S. Capitol Building for a “Stop the Steal” protest, in a last-ditch effort to pressure republican senators and vice president Mike Pence…

The Medical Case Against Vaccine Mandates

By Siddharth Gundapaneni For a significant period of time, all employers in New York City, public or private, required mandated vaccination against COVID-19 for all their employees. Mayor Bill DeBlasio championed the “Vaccine Key to New York City” program, requiring proof of vaccination for those at least five years of age in order to utilize indoor dining, gyms and other fitness areas, and entertainment spaces. This included but was not limited to: movie theaters, concert…