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By Emma Ryan

In only a matter of days, what appears to be the beginning of a trade war between the United States and China has commenced. It all started earlier this year when tariffs on Chinese steel and aluminum were levied. At the beginning of April, the Chinese government introduced tariffs on $3 billion worth of US imports in direct response to the steel and aluminum tariffs. Then, Trump announced new tariffs on over $50 billion worth of Chinese imports. In retaliation, China announced $50 billion worth of tariffs on US goods. Trump reacted by suggesting that the United States “consider whether $100 billion of additional tariffs would be appropriate.”

Markets are a mess because of the potential trade war that may ensue between the two leading world economic forces. I am so happy that the markets are down! That means some of those greedy, money-obsessed corporations may be losing money, as are those 1%-ers invested in their stock. It’s about time that this bull market and period of market prosperity comes to an end. People should not be making money off of the stock market and financial investments anyways – it is unethical and only contributes to the woes of society. Money should be earned through hard work alone (assuming the central controller(s) of resources will allow us to have personal funds), not from financial speculation.

Another positive outcome of these tariffs and a potential trade war is that the government can potentially gain so much in tax revenue from the tariffs. The tariffs will not stop American consumers from importing Chinese goods, but rather will increase the federal government’s revenue base! This is great news! If all of the tariffs were to be introduced, the federal government could use all of this new found cash flow to invest in more federal programs and initiatives!

Our largest exports to China are aircraft and aircraft parts. The Chinese tariffs specifically target the US aerospace industry. While this may sound like bad news, there are positive implications. If the US produces and exports less airplanes, air travel will decrease. Air travel is toxic for the environment and is one of the leading contributors to greenhouse gas emissions. Hopefully China increases tariffs on US aircraft manufacturers! Then the environment will be in a better place and the polar bears will be saved!

Another industry targeted by the Chinese tariffs is the US farming industry. Some items on the list include soybeans, corn, wheat, beef, and pork. Most of these goods are grown in the farming communities of middle America, aka home of the Drumpf supporters. It is anticipated that these farming communities will be hit particularly hard by these tariffs. Boo f*cking hoo. Who cares that agricultural goods account for a large portion of our nation’s exports? Those living in farming communities and rural America deserve to suffer, They are racist, sexist, homophobic bigots. They are gun-obsessed rednecks who contribute nothing to society besides hate (and billions of dollars of economic production, but who’s counting?). Pork farmers especially will suffer. China is a major pork importer, but with these pork tariffs, that may change. Good! Save the pigs! Big tobacco is also targeted by the Chinese tariffs. This is amazing news. One in every three cigarettes smoked in the world is smoked in China. If American tobacco producers are cut off from this market, the tobacco industry will be weakened and brought to its knees. It’s about time that those c*cksuckers got what they deserve!

If Americans had to resort to buying less Chinese imported goods because of the increased prices, sweatshop labor would decrease. Every item we import from China is made by child slaves working in sweatshops. This blessing of a potential trade war would decrease the demand for Chinese products and therefore would lessen the impact of sweatshop labor.

So what if prices for highly demanded Chinese goods go up? We are over privileged and spoiled in the United States. Americans are so greedy and focused on material goods; paying higher prices for consumer goods only seems fair. We should have to pay more for goods such as dishwashers and televisions! We have been enjoying the benefits of cheap imports for far too long at the expense of those poor suffering children in China.

This potential trade war is a step in the right direction. Not only will it provide the federal government with more funds, it will also f*ck up the capitalist pigs, put an end to child and sweatshop labor, and rightfully punish American consumers. Let’s hope Trump keeps making money moves and brings this trade war to fruition!

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