By Matt Gagliano
It’s that time of the year again. No, unfortunately I am not referring to Christmas. It’s February, which means Valentine’s Day is just around the corner: A day full of love, flowers, and dinner dates at extremely overpriced restaurants. People all around the world celebrate Valentine’s Day by expressing their love for their significant other (or others, if you’re into that), and honestly, I hate it. No, not because I’m a bitter, lonely incel, because I’M NOT, but because the whole holiday is a complete and utter SCAM! That’s right, the holiday centered around love actually has nothing to do with love at all, except for the love of money.
Before we get into how Valentine’s Day is just a scheme to make a profit, I would like to start with how the concept of Valentine’s Day in general simply doesn’t make any sense. “But it’s about showing your love” I hear you saying, “that makes perfect sense.” To this, I agree. If you love someone, it would make sense to want to show that love. What doesn’t make sense, however, is the fact that you have to do it on this one specific day. If you truly love someone, shouldn’t everyday be Valentine’s Day? Now, I’m not here to tell you how your relationship should work (if you were looking for reltaionship advice in a Binghamton Review, you should probably rethink all of your life choices), but if you wait until one day out of the year to show your love for your partner, you’re a fucking loser who doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship. If you actually love someone, you should let them know everyday, and if they love you back, then hopefully they won’t call the police on you. Uncool, Sarah. To quote The Incredibles, “when everyone’s super, no one will be.” Similarly, if you choose to love your significant other as if everyday was Valentine’s Day, then when actual Valentine’s Day rolls around, it will be just another ordinary day, as it should be.
So why is Valentine’s Day still a thing? Well, for starters, not everyone is as big-brained as I am and realizes that the concept of Valentine’s Day is stupid. More importantly, however, Valentine’s Day is another excuse for companies to make people feel bad for not buying their products. Think about it: what happens if you don’t go out and buy your girl flowers, and chocolates, and a card, and a diamond ring, and dinner at a fancy restaurant for Valentine’s Day? That’s right, she leaves your broke ass. Fuck you Rachel, not all of us have rich parents. It has become tradition to buy these things for Valentine’s Day and because of this, you become an asshole if you don’t. The reason that the majority of people will never see how pointless Valentine’s Day is because they’re dumbasses who blindly follow the traditions pushed by the chocolate and flower industries. According to aboutflowers.com (a very credible source, I’m sure), more than 250 million roses are produced specifically for Valentine’s Day. That’s an absurd amount of flowers, especially considering that flowers are nothing but useless decorations that, just like love, look pretty for a week or two but then inevitably die. According to Google, the average price for a dozen roses is between $10 and $100, meaning there is an increase in approximately $208 million to just over $2 billion in rose sales. All that money, and just for a bunch of severed plant limbs! It’s pretty late, so I don’t feel like doing anymore math, but just imagine how much extra money is earned from the extra sales of candy or jewelry just because “hurr durr it’s Valentine’s Day, so I must buy things. I’m a dumbass who loves wasting money.”
Now, I’m not trying to say that buying gifts for your significant other is bad. In truth, it’s just the opposite. I believe that you should buy gifts for your significant other at random times, just because it’s a nice thing to do, unless you do it too often, in which case you’re a simp and should reevaluate your entire lifestyle. Plus, if you do buy gifts for your partner just because, it will mean more, as it’s coming from your heart, and not a desire to follow the greedy, bullshit traditions pushed by companies trying to sell more glorified weeds. So in conclusion… fuck Valentine’s Day.