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By Chad Largepenis

What up bros, this is Chad Largepenis signing in. Ever wondered what it’s like to have it all, to win at life, to be loved by men and feared by women? Worry not, because I have come to show you the way of the Sigma grind-set. Using this mindset, I earn 7 figures a day, have 3 weed-smoking gfs, all while maintaining a 6.9 GPA majoring in Sigma sciences with a minor in money-making. As you know, It’s all about the money mindset. To give you a glimpse into my life, here is my typical daily schedule: 

  • 3:00 Wake up: be sure to scream at the top of your lungs to alert the world to your presence.
  • 3:01 Get out of bed: take a minute to go outside (sigmas sleep naked) and admire nature for a minute. 
  • 3:02: Piss and shit: self-explanatory.
  • 3:05: Go to the bathroom: location for the first activity of the week.
  • 3:10: Edging session: edging is important in order to build discipline, Plinemaxxing as I call it. Be sure to get in enough edging in to make your mind strong as steel.
  • 5:10: Breakfast: put raw chicken, lemon peels, tire rubber, and 100 mg of Benedryl and blend. Down that shit in a minute.
  • 5:11: Workout session: 400 lbs benches (no spotter) as a warm-up followed by 600 lbs squats and 800 lbs deadlift reps, 20 seconds rest each.
  • 6:15: Work (drop shipping): time to focus on your entrepreneurial ventures. Dropshipping is when you sell goods online bought from physical stores. For example, I’ll drop-ship vintage $5 shoes from Payless for $75 min. Boom, profit.
  • 10:15: Cardio workout session: 45-minute sprint warm-up followed by 10-mile repeats at 2:45 minute pace, 15 seconds rest.
  • 11:30: Lunch: time to restock your energy. As a machine, you should be looking for the highest quality fuel so be sure to down at least 5 liters of premium gasoline. If it can make cars run, it’ll make you fly.
  • 11:35: Online networking: time to connect with other sigmas online to share tips and strategies. Instagram and Grindr are top choices.
  • 1:00: Misogyny: As the Man, you need to show women that you are their superior. Do not stop until they recognize your greatness.
  • 3:00: Worship billionaires: the apprentice learns from the master, but the master learns from the Gods.
  • 3:30: Third workout session: place hot coal over the floor and do the following: 100 pushups, 200 sit-ups, and 500 Jumping jacks. 30 seconds rest between every 100 reps.
  • 5:00: Get banned on social media for racism: it happens to the best of us.
  • 5:01: Make new alt accounts: the grind never stops.
  • 5:02: More “networking”: remember your network is your net worth$$$.
  • 6:03: read: a book a day if you are a true sigma. 
  • 8:03: dinner: nails, chicken bones, rocks (for flavor), 100 mg of fentanyl, blend and down in 1 minute.
  • 8:04: Watch American Psycho: Patrick Bateman was the first sigma, learn what you will.
  • 9:35: Sprint to the grocery store: transportation is a waste of money.
  • 9:40: buy groceries: your food isn’t gonna make itself.
  • 9:43: eat groceries: why wait for your food to spoil. Get all the value of those nutrients as soon as you can.
  • 9:45: shit and piss: self-explanatory.
  • 9:47: leave grocery store: your business at the grocery store is now finished. 
  • 9:52: get mail: ignore anything sent by the IRS, you can just use that as fuel for the fireplace.
  • 10:00: ice bath: cold showers aren’t enough.
  • 11:00: edging: be sure to think about the women you’ve “harassed” while edging.
  • 12:00: investments: the most important part of your day, be sure that your stocks, NFTs, and dogecoin. Remember: sell low, buy high. 
  • 2:59: sleep: time to get a good night’s rest in order to prepare for a new day.

If you’ve made it this far, you now know the secrets of the sigma money mindset. But we are not done yet, for that was only my Monday; I have six more schedules for each day of the week. But I can’t just give them away for free. For just the low price of $69.69, I will teach you all the secrets of the sigma male as well as the forbidden knowledge of the Ligma male. Until then, you’ll have to suffer alone with your small penis. 

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