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By Mirder O. Crows

I have something that I’ve been thinking about for a while now, and it desperately needs to be said: we don’t WANT a World War III. “Wanting” implies that it is probably unnecessary, and something that could be postponed until the time is right. No, we don’t “want” World War III; we absolutely NEED World War III! This has been the long-awaited sequel to human catastrophe that has been riling up historians’ pants in a twist for so long that the anticipation itself is practically killing me, as I’m sure it’s killing you too! So what are we waiting for? We have the perfect situation, right now! All the United States needs to do is declare war on Russia and we’ll finally complete the trilogy! Isn’t that what we all want? Yeah, the writers of this show have always found an excuse to pull out of World War III; a little diplomacy here, a little convenient plot hole there, perhaps some perfectly timed thinking by individuals. To most people, it would seem like the writers of the show want genuine world-building instead of going for all-out action. But I say who cares about world-building! Make it rain nukes until the earth looks like a Michael Bay movie!

FoR tHoSe Of YoU tHaT dOn’T kNoW, let me give a brief rundown of the first two classics of this show’s history. First, the OG: World War I. With impressive, unstoppable alliances, new technologies, brash military leaders, and overly eager soldiers, everyone was practically dying when the carnage started. With so many twists and turns, no one knew where the story would go, almost like it was practically a stalemate right until the US joined! Then came the sequel; after about 20 years, the writers brought World War II, even better than the first; clear good guys and bad guys, crazy/genocidal world leaders, and now taking place in almost every part of the world, this sequel truly lived up to the “World War” aspect of the title. Still, we gotta talk about the one controversial plot point: the United States creating the atomic bomb and dropping two of them on Japan to end the war. Yeah, it was crazy and destructive like nothing we had seen at that point, but this choice really bothered me. I mean, with a McGuffin like that, how could we have a sequel? Throughout World War II, we are shown tension between the Communist Soviet Union and Capitalist West. Surely, the Soviets would want their own nuclear weapons, right? And sure enough, not long after, they did make their own. After that epic show, the writers reached an impasse, as there was no way they could match the magnitude of World War II. Sure, we had a few spin-offs with ideological proxies; the Korean War, the Vietnam War, and the Soviet-Afghan War (although there’s a great twist there that comes up in the War on Terror). But these spin-offs never really lived up to the same potential.

Now, however, we have the perfect opportunity! Russia just invaded a sovereign country, Ukraine, and it is perfect sequel material. True, the justification requires the biggest suspension of disbelief possible, as it just seemed like the writers half-assed telling Putin to give a bullshit casus belli, but who cares! And yes, the writers seem to be raising the stakes by having Putin threaten to use his nuclear arsenal for the first time in a long while. This is practically everything followers of the show have been waiting for! Now, all we need to do is find the perfect excuse to cause nuclear weapons to be dropped everywhere! Some have proposed a no-fly zone over Ukraine as a catalyst, as that would mean that the opposing faction to Russia, NATO, would have to shoot down Russian fighter jets, and that would obviously trigger confrontation. A good start, but we could do better. Perhaps having Russia strike humanitarian corridors would draw NATO in? Maybe… actually no; Russia committing war crimes won’t cause nuclear conflict, as war crimes are just brought up by the writers but have surprisingly little impact in most cases. Honestly, at the way things are going, the writers just need to find an excuse to cause nuclear armageddon!

So what are they waiting for!? Come on, guys! This is something we truly want! Just have the United States declare war on Russia and get this over with! It’ll be the end of the trilogy and it’d be an absolute killing! Just have everyone use their nuclear arsenal that the writers have been teasing us about for 75 years and get World War III rolling! It’s something all fans of the show have been waiting for and simply NEED for finality’s sake. Let us just finally have the long-awaited end to the trilogy that we have been hyped for!

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