By Sadtrick McAwful She gets home late, at about 9pm. The hot California weather had bore down on her during the commute home; although her doctor’s office had central A/C, her car had warmed in the parking lot like a convection oven. Sighing, she drops her keys in the bowl they keep next to the door. It’s simple, made of ceramic and purchased from a vendor they found in Israel during their wedding. G_d, was…
YAF and College Republicans Sue Binghamton University
By Binghamton Review Staff On July 21st 2020, Young America’s Foundation (YAF)—joined by Binghamton University College Republicans and College Republicans President Jon Lizak—filed a federal lawsuit against Binghamton University. According to YAF, the civil rights action is taking place due to what they believe to be a failure by the University to ensure the protection of the First and Fourteenth Amendment, as well as seemingly targeting conservative student groups. In addition to being directed towards…
Campus Presswatch: Pipe Dream Lies in Review (2019-2020)
By Our Staff Typically, we here at Binghamton Review have had a friendly relationship with Pipe Dream. Sure, we may take a gander at some of their opinion articles and have a good chuckle or two, laughing at what we find to be logically ridiculous or baseless claims. However, at the end of the day, we usually believe that these claims are solely limited to Pipe Dream’s opinion column, and that the staff that work…
Kim Jong-un or Kim Jong-ill?
By Harold Rook Picture global politics as a macroscale version of high school: the world stage is the classroom, wars are fought at 4:30pm under the flagpole after class, and countries are students, with global institutions such as the United Nations being dubiously-helpful teachers and janitors. Each country is voiced by its government, in much the ways you may predict; Britain is a former jock that recently broke up with his girlfriend, the EU, Russia…
WHO Let the Virus Out?
By Harold Rook As I’m sure we are all aware of by now, the novel coronavirus (SARS-CoV-2/COVID-19/Chinese Virus/CCP Virus/whatever you’d like to call it) has grinded the nation to a halt. Outside of making venturing outdoors feel like you are in a vacant post-apocalyptic dystopia ala Mad Max, the officially declared pandemic has almost the entire population in quarantine, with new public guidelines such as facemasks and social distancing becoming the norm. The effects of…
The Nature Preserve Stands in the Way of…
By Matt Gagliano Binghamton University has had a crazy year. With everything that has happened during these last two semesters, things on campus just seem to be getting worse and worse. Lucky for you, I’m here to discuss a surefire way to solve the biggest problem facing Binghamton University today. What is that problem you ask? No, it’s not the rising tensions between political organizations on campus. No, it’s not the recent closing of the…
New Clause Found in Constitution
By Tommy Gagliano On March 15th, 2020, historian Richard Head made a shocking discovery that will change the course of American politics forever. While analyzing the original draft of the Constitution to find evidence to support his position that government-mandated gamer girl GFs are constitutional, Mr. Head instead found a hidden clause, never before seen by anyone but the Framers themselves. The secret clause is located at the end of the document, after Article VI,…
Response to Pipe Dream & Frances Beal Society’s Absurd Accusations
By Binghamton Review E-Board On February 3rd, 2020, Binghamton University’s Frances Beal Society posted audio clips on Instagram and Twitter, claiming that the clips contained dialogue from TPUSA members and Binghamton Review writers. On February 6th, 2020, Pipe Dream released two articles about the leaked clips – one posing as an “objective” news piece, and the other an editorial from Pipe Dream’s Editorial Board. The audio clips and claims from Frances Beal Society are laughably…
Defamation & Prejudice: A Reflection on 2019
By Spencer Haynes As I have reflected on the political tumult of the past year, certain quotes, and newspaper articles have stuck out to me, helping me understand how certain biases and attitudes came to fruition this fall. I would first like to discuss Pipe Dream, and their bias against the College Republicans. To expose this bias, I will compare articles from the past year covering very similar events. The first covers the Republican/Turning Point…
Mo Money Mo Problems
By Bryn Lauer According to the 2015-16 census of data.nysed.gov, 5,491 students from kindergarten to 12th grade attend Binghamton Public School District, with 75% of those students considered economically disadvantaged. This comes with no surprise as, according to 2019 data, 1 in every 3 persons in Binghamton are below the poverty line. Even roughly 50% of kids enrolled in nursery school are extremely disadvantaged. Off the bat this lowers Binghamton student’s chances for success. “Poverty…
The Drinking Bird: A Brief Explanation
By Madeline Perez The mysteries of the world are commonly obscured by the ignorance and apathy of the common man. People are so concerned with their actual lives that they forget to sit back and ponder things like “why”, and “how.” What a pity. This phenomenon is leading to the death of critical thought, creativity, and the scientific method as we know it. What many fail to realize is that it’s everyday mysteries that add zest…
Baxter Accused of Sexual Harassment
By Harley Stinger Last Thursday, Baxter the Bearcat was accused of sexual harassment by an anonymous woman. The woman in question said that Baxter regularly “Bearcat-called” her. Bearcat calling is like cat-calling, but also racist. Baxter, who has not spoken since he caught his parents having sex back in 2004, did not respond to our request for comment. The brave young woman, however, claims that she came forward in hopes of inspiring others, and getting…
51 Things You’ll Find at Area 51
By Our Staff A living, breathing Thanos A cure for asbestos Sand Toothpaste that 10/10 dentists recommend Jeffrey Epstein The fifth Shrek movie The Omnitrix Master Chief’s armor Fix-it ramen The secret to why kids love Cinnamon toast crunch Trump’s real hair Nicholas Cage Nicholas Cage’s cage Cage-free Nicholas Cage The Declaration of Independence (Courtesy of Nicholas Cage) Ricardo Milos Despacito 3 (The Third) An actually good Cardi B song A living, breathing Danny DeVito…
Stop Playing the New Zealand Shooter’s Game
By Tommy Gagliano On March 15th, a terrorist attack was carried out on two mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand. The death toll has now reached 50, with another 50 or so injured. The shooter, who I will not name, live streamed the massacre on Facebook using a GoPro which he attached to his head. He also wrote a manifesto, which he sent to New Zealand’s Prime Minister minutes before the attack took place. The manifesto…
Why the Bing Butt is Conservative and Therefore Epic
By Josephi Krakowski As I pulled open Facebook to view the most recent Breitbart post about why Trump is my dad, I came across a post by the Bing Butt. As I was unaware of the Bing Butt and assuming that this was another attempt by Binghamton University to convince people to quit smoking, I decided to look into it. After all, my Juuling and chewing have been adding up to be a costly habit.…