Angelo DiTocco One of the most important aspects of life is becoming the best version of ourselves that we can be. We all have goals, and we all desire to achieve them. And just like November is the perfect time to stop whackin’ your worm see what you look like with facial hair, the new year is the perfect time to start realizing your true potential as a human being. But this is easier said…
How to Write a Binghamton Review Article
By Saguaro You there! Yes, you! Have you ever wanted to write an article for the world-renowned, top-of-the-line, free speech magazine, Binghamton Review? If so, I’ll give you some great advice on how to go about writing one. First, show up to a meeting and say that you will write an article. This will state your intentions to write, as well as provide you with people to reach out to in case you need help. …
Duolingo, Burnout, and Extrinsic Motivation
By Emily Portalatin Has anyone else noticed the inability for anyone to be consistent these days? People are always CHANGING THEIR MINDS and TRYING NEW THINGS. Geez, it’s not like humans are dynamic and ever-changing. Pick your thing, stick to it, and don’t even THINK about getting tired of it, even if it hurts! Back in MY day, it was cool and impressive to do the same thing for years, even if you no longer…
How to Cope and Seethe Like a Boss
Madeline Perez So, let’s engage in a thought exercise. You are a breathtakingly bodacious babe who is looking for a man to solve mysteries with. You have all the apps and programs: Kik, Chatroulette, Facebook Messenger… Suddenly, a message! Your hopes soar, but you are dismayed to find that some 45-year-old creep has just “*tips fedora*”’ed at you, and that’s the 10th time this week. Politely you decline, assuring him that his Ramona-Flowers-dream-girl/gamer is still…
Things to Hate about Binghamton and its University
By Midas Leung First of all, we have inconsistent weather which can change on a dime. The forecast—which is EVER so reliable—changes from phone to phone so you really never know which is right until you get to a computer and check (which in reality who would really do that because I am lazy as shit). Second is how far everything is from each other. The campus is not so big, but the hills really…
“The Best College Life”
Bunzeey Greetings, fellow BU students! Ah, the joys of being at our esteemed backup university, where we’ve all surely dreamed of spending four glorious years in a college town devoid of vibrant nightlife, filled with controversial Greek life, and the absolute absence of any crime, not to mention the joy of mingling with the most basic of individuals. Now, let’s dive the essential steps for a college experience that will leave your friends green with…
ABCs of Binghamton – 2023
By Our Staff Another year, another “ABCs of Binghamton.” These two pages are all you’ll need to navigate the manifold complexities of Binghamton life in 2023. As per tradition, we won’t repeat anything from previous years, so if you still need guidance after these 26 letters, there’s plenty more where this came from. Now let’s make like kindergarteners and learn our “ABCs.” A-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I just remembered I’m in Binghamton. B – Bigly. A perfectly…
The Art of Not Working
By S.G. Panini Sometimes you have a lot on your plate: worrying about classes, your stagnant relationship life, what to eat for lunch. Other times it’s just pure laziness. On rare occasions you’re amped and willing, but just can’t for some reason; some days are slower than others. The bottom line is you’re not gonna work. It happens… a lot, and I empathize with you. Today, I’m going to teach a masterclass on not working,…
Musical Theatre’s Power of Biblical Proportions
By Emily Portalatin Sorry, everyone. I don’t have time to write this article, I have rehearsal… is what I would say if I were a theatre kid! Got ya!!!!!!!! Okay, I am a musical fan, but we’ve all heard harsh rumors about the stereotypical “theatre kid”: a fan who publicly breaks into song, makes theatre their only trait, and expresses jealousy toward others in the theatre setting; a Rachel Berry type. I am no stranger…
The Cruel Implications of Toy Story 4
By Madeline Perez I have never hidden my disdain for the fourth Toy Story movie. Across previous articles and social interactions—even the passing thought of TS4 sends me into a rabid hysteria, wide-eyed and foaming, in which I tear apart the nearest small child or bunny rabbit. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone, as I’ve been told others have also criticized the movie—but in my ongoing effort to stay pure and original, I have…
The Shopping Lobe
By Baddieline So–I was going about my day, browsing the interwebs, when I stumbled upon this really scientific article published by a website that also hosts quizzes like ‘Which Guy From the Office Would Find You Attractive Based on Your Favorite Fruit?’ (Michael Scott!! XD). The article said some really smart things about dopamine and how playing Minecraft is basically just like doing cocaine!!! Or even having sex, which I can’t confirm or deny since…
It’s-a Me! A Gamer’s Unwanted Opinion!
By Emily Portalatin Ah yes, April… not the most notable month of the year, but a fun month nonetheless with its fair share of holidays. There’s April Fool’s Day, but I personally refuse to be confined to one measly day of silliness. Who needs April Fools when I can shamelessly wear a metaphorical clown suit that jingles with each step every day of my life? And apparently April 4th is National Hug a Newsperson Day?…
’87: The Secret History of Binghamton Review
By Arthur O’Sullivan (To the tune of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah) I heard there was a secret room Where Mangle was, in FNAF Two But you don’t really care for Foxies, do you? It goes like this, the vent, the hiss, Without the mask, he’s really pissed. It’s Mangle, and he bites in ’87. ’87. ’87. ’87. ‘eighty se-e-e-e-ven. Any zoomer born after 2002 can’t game. All they know is Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria, charge they doors,…
The Ethics of Sink-Pissing
By Our Staff Pro: The porcelain throne is no throne, but in fact an electric chair, and we are all its victims. What Big Toilet has been espousing since the beginning of modern plumbing has been a disaster for the human race. Why, you ask? We have been convinced that the at-least 330 million toilets in the homes of the American public (one for every person) are “necessary” and “sanitary.” But let’s be honest: the…
Godzilla vs. Megalon: A Cinematic Masterpiece
By Logan Blakeslee On March 17, 1973, Japanese film audiences had the opportunity to experience a true tour de force that forever revolutionized special effects, artistic cinema, and storytelling itself. 50 years later, it stands as an underappreciated gem, a cult classic that only gets better over time. For the uninitiated, it’s a cheap blockbuster intended for children and their parents. For the enlightened, Godzilla vs. Megalon is peak kino. The characters are inspirational, the…